Huck Finn was Tom Sawyer's fancy woman. She ran off with Jim Turner, a black slave. Tom followed them down river. Mark Twain changed the story around somewhat. Tatiana Romanov was Boris Yelsin's mother. You know how the Communists lied about everything. Eventually, however, the truth comes out. My research in the Comic Book Museum in Boca had led to these discoveries. The third book of Twain's Mississippi Q uartet goes back into Jim's childhood and describes his life as a slave. It does not have the light, haw haw rhythm of the first two volumes. It is much richer. Jim was no ordinary slave. He had a wife and kids. One was deaf. He also abused them. B ut that was part of the times. In those days, it was okay to smack a kid in the head. His wife was back in Indiana. How he came to reside with Miss Lucy is another story. I don't intend to tell it here. Anymore than I am going to go into every detail of the Tzar's daughters. Their adventures and ordeals between Leningrad and Yekaterinburg. That's a Russian novel in itself. To tell you the truth, after I read it I felt a little dizzy. Like I wasn't sure who I am. I read today that the universe is expanding at an alarming rate. That's sort of how I feel. Like, pulled apart. And the rate is increasing. That's what worries people. We're all going to blow up! When Tatiana and Cody established a link across the hexadomination intercept, they ... made all things possible to come through. True? I don't know. I just want to get back to New York. I hate this place. Somebody sliced our tires. So now we're dri ving around on the rims. They took me to the airport. I hate security. They love to feel you up. It takes me hours to get through security. They don't just search you. They fuck you on the table. I finally staggered down the ramp to the plane. The re was a two hour delay. I threw up in the bathroom. At LaGuardia, a fucking guard dog stuck his nose up my crotch and started to bark. Another four hour search. They wanted to cut me open to see if I had anything inside. Then there was the fucking third world cab driver who took me to Red Hook. It was two a.m. I had to walk home from there. I mean, I could tell you about all this stuff, but I already have. How many times can you read the directions for mindless fucking and still get hard? Inside, the apartment was a mess. I mean, after all the other shit, I was not prepared for this. For a moment, I thought a twister had touched down. No. I can't go into that either. I don't want to face reality. The news is coming on in a few minut es. Maybe afterward. Nothing. It was the episode when Bud becomes Kelly's agent because April wasn't giving him anything. Bill Gates testified before Orrin Hatch. Etc. Vernon Jordan testified before the Grand Jury. Oh, that's what I wanted to ask. Does anyone know who the Grand Jury is? Yeah. Now I remember. The media has been going on for weeks about Monica and Starr and Lewinsky and etc. etc. testifying before the Grand Jury, and also the leaks, etc. But no one actually talks about the Grand Jury itself. This has been going on eve r since I was in kindergarten. This jury is longer than O.J.'s. And yet, it's totally faceless. I don't even know how many are on it. Didn't it ever occur to someone that the leaks might be coming from it? Why won't they talk about it? Are they scar ed? Is it bored? Ken Starr keeps feeding it. But for how long? Don't these people have jobs they have to go to? Tell me. Please! The Jury was a little like the Trial. She thought about what she knew about it. She knew nothing. All that could be learned of the jury was from those who had testified. And yet strangely, they had never talked. Monica L.'s mother was visibly shaken . Vernon Jordan appeared urbane. Had they, in fact, appeared before the same jurors? Let us suppose there are twelve people in a room, and you are led in and asked questions while they watch, and then come out. What effect does it have on you? Like, what were they like? Who? The jurors? No one asks that. What does it matter what they were like? It has nothing to do with anything. They were just twelve people with animal faces sitting there in the box. Three actually had death masks. And one o f the masks did not seem to be anything at all. It was a sort of lumpy lightbulb shaped thing that glowed. They asked her what her daughter told her. Did she have an affair with the president? Did she know the Ramsays? Monica shook her head. She had been an au pare for the Ramsays. You knew that, didn't you? Ken Starr was investigating everything. I suppose you knew Judge Crater was his god-father. I shall reveal all things. It will all come out at the trial. But in the meantime, the deliberat ions went on. Excuse me. Excuse me. I've got to get through customs. They took me aside. I'll miss my plane. I was getting confused again. Food was everywhere. At least, it looked like someone had had a food fight. And then I realized it was Kelly. Rotting. Smalhausen said she'd been dead for two weeks. The smell was awful. Michael's going to be at Carnegie next week. Giving a course. I was in his last flick. I played a junkie dancer. Check him out. On the door, someone had scrawled "General Admission , $2." Kelly didn't tell me she was going to have a party. Terribly sorry. Can't think. Think it's the parasquat. The Paris Squat. Everybody's doing it. Fries your brain. The Jury lounged in large easy chairs inside their headquarters. It had been in session for two hundred years now. The eldest always i nherited from his father or mother. Many were very old. Some, however, were barely out of their teens. They had their own quarters. And a team of servants to keep them happy. They sat on packing crates in the basement, waiting to be called up for the next session. Some smoked. Others were eating out of tins. The Jury suffered hard times and good times. The foreman wore a purple robe. The others also had robes. Bathrobes that came to about their knees. In different colors. At night, they sat a round the fire and sang. When you were called to go on the Jury because your predessor had died, it was a harsh sentence. Often it seemed unfair that you should be drawn in and your life cut short. You became very angry. You needed someone to talk to. So you went to a bar and a stranger would buy you a drink, and you talked your heart out. And then next day, Ken Starr or Bill Clinton would go ballistic. I know who killed Nicole Simpson. It wasn't O.J. At least, I'm within six degrees of the real killer. The hexadomination universe is everywhere. It's a church. Like Scientology. We have tax free status, too. Tell me, Ken. Just exactly what do you want to know? You don't know, do you? She leaned forward, showing an expanse of thigh. He looked away. Her killer's already dead. But I can't tell you anymore. I'd get in trouble. O.J. killed him. But I didn't want to tell you that. Let's talk about something else. Some other way of looking at it. Like civility. Let's talk about that. Being civil. Not getting in anybody's way. Going over the edge. Yeah. There are a lot of ways of looking at things. I don't want to get in trouble. Just tell the jury the truth. Each of the animals sat looking straight ahead. The judge had a corncob pipe. Some animals are more equal than other animals. In a curved universe, everything is possible. Exc ept Euclid. A straight line does not extend forever. Kocinski's theorem. We are getting bigger and bigger. It's almost as if we are the big bang. I don't want to go anymore. It's all right there in the news. Anyone can see what happened. You don't need a video to see the fight. Oh yeah, now I remember, movies drain everything. No one remembers the Titantic anymore. It's all what they saw in the movies. World War 2 is a mini-series. The Civil War was the first war photographed. World War 2 ha s been videoed to death. There are Nazi retros every night, sometimes on three or four stations. But pictures show nothing. Even when the cameraman is shot you feel nothing. Kelly didn't look like me anymore. I guess we never had been that alike. I just liked to pretend she was as cute and pretty as me. When actually, she had been for want of a better word, I'd say common. I asked Smal who killed her. He said he didn't know. He'd heard her screaming one night, and the next day, the door was open. So he looked in. Kelly was on the bed. And on the stove. And on the wall. Several walls. In the bathroom. The hot water was still running. Smeared on the mirror. Seve ral mirrors were broken. She must have had a hard night. The stove was lit. Her tits were big red shiny things she was hanging from the ceiling. The whole place was inside out. And so was Kel. Her boy friend, Werner, was sitting in the middle of the room. Cleaning his knife. Smal asked if they could keep it down. By all accounts, Kelly must have been still alive. Do you connect? Right. So as I was saying, for heaven's sakes Watson, get to the point. She fell off. Sorry, Holmes. I was just t elling the slap he hit her in front of the guests. They went on talking. It was only a sudden moment of unpleasantness for which Don el Lobo apologized. Is that not true? These Americans, they are so suspisious. I take your wheat. I keep your daugh ter. He waved. It's all right there. She was with Chelsea at her seventeenth birthday party. She was Chelsea's pal. She was coming there to visit to see if there is anything I can get you. No, Monica. Monica was Chelsea's maid. Didn't you know? O f course that's how he got into the White House. Those close to the source say our divisions are advancing on Baghdad. It's a ploy. She leaked the tapes. She was Deep Throat in the Lewinsky affair. One by one they were fed to the jurors as Monica wat ched from her apartment high up in the Watergate. It was the Watergate all the time. Where the missile landed. She really was typing against a deadline. Try it some time. I made deadline. Whamo. Does that set you off. Come up and see me sometime. Kaniecki is a pipeline to the sputnik. Ask him how it came about. When the big brown thing hung over Natronah. Just ask anyone who was there. The big brown thing. Ask. Just ask. It was a near Christmas experience. Smalhausen was there. He saw it . In the evening sky. They were looking for Sputnik, but all they could see was what look like Aunt Jemima's ass. High in the sky. North of the campus. I won't go into that now. But these are war crimes. Of course they are. Kosinski's second theor em, that mass repels mass inside an amplitheatre. For this he won the nobel. I don't know what any of this means. You mean he killed her. At last, my child. I fell into his arms. Bleeding. All things near and far, linked are, so thou canst not tinkle a teacup without troubling a star. Got that. Pull! Annie get your guns. The Tzar's party was hanging out down at the Maypole./ While Kerensky's men were holed up in the Buck & Ale. Tatiana rode with the Red Guards. I knew she was getting in trouble when I seen her with those men. I begged her not to go. She called me a Stalinist. Well, perhaps I was. I love Georgoeneuns. She stripped her. Georgia on the Black Sea. Next to Abkaskia. Where the bears grow old people. It's a national myth./ Coming home is hard to do. I was back. Why was I here? That's the first q uestion I asked Tessa when I called her to tell her what the apartment looked like. Rotting fish. What were they doing here? Holding a black mass inside Kelly's corpse? I could believe it. The way these walls looked. Freaking voodoo freaks. A break away sect. They called themselves the Group. From Philadelphia. Yeah. What you want? I want inside your pants, cupcake. He called me right there as I was going through customs. We done it right on the table. Tatiana von Romanov von Stelkebergen, n icht wahr, mein schatz? Lightning flickered around the girl ensoft's words., Micro is microsoft. But what if you went deeper. Down below the Windows routine. What then? You want the answer. It's 42. It will always be 42. Live with it. They say they're filming this next. He has a budget bigger than Atlantis. Atlantis sank, too, you know. In fact, they burned it. It happens in the third book of the trilogy. She died before she could write the fourth. So you say you aren't Kelly Jones? No. How about Cody Mask? No. Pillow Morgan mean anything to you. Why .... yes. that's no I don't remember. She wore a collar around her neck. She was handcuffed. In front. In bracelets. And a short skirt. Shorter than Susan's? Much shorter. Monic a in chains. I remember! What she looked like. It was in one of the pictures. But this was dated 1975? She's only 24. Oh my God! We'll come back to the Ramsay's in a minute, but first ... They were still writing the specs on the Ramsays. Matt Drud ge found out about it and is sitting on it. See what I can do, sucker. Cody Ann Faithful was massaging the masses, getting them ready for Bill to speak. Bill Gates is the richest man in the world. Why does he have to look like that. The issue is not Microsoft, the issue is Bill Gates. Fuck Saddam Hussein. Bomb Microsoft. World order hung in the balance as these consumate [erformers set the stage. The stage was lit by candlelight and wine. Major players were Starsky and Hutch. Dano took them out . He wanted to say book um. Like Steve. But he never did. This is the story of Dano, the cop, who found the glove. Where he'd left it when he got back from the airport. He took a later flight. Perfect alibi. I was killing Nicole Simpson's killer a nd bringing it back to the sidewalk. O.J.'s last night in L.A. What strategy. Lock em up. Was all he could say. Then Bill came out. And he wasn't wearing a tie. I mean, what is this? This is Congress. Put something on. Like a suit maybe. And a shirt. Do something with your hair. Don't slouch. Did you clean your teeth. Look at me. Your neck is dirty. Sit up straight. Mother, I am the richest man in the world. For god's sakes treat me like a girl. You know, he only wrote in drag. Afterw ards, he had to leave. You get on a list, it gets around. Soon you have neighbors. Then they rob and kill you. Then they cast you out. I had to get rid of Kelly. But how? What would take it off? I wondered. I rubbed my finger against the wall. Kelly jerked. Interesting. I thought she was dead. I scraped a fingernail down the paper. Kelly buzzed. There was a noise of something breaking in the bedroom. He r legs. It set up a chain reaction. So, she was still alive. Kell, can you hear me? Are you still conscious? My eyelids flickered. Was she getting this down? Hawking's Math Ratio against Ted's Ham Radio. Two boys were playing in the yard. He coul d hear them, but the window was too high to see out of. It let in a little light. Now, Pablo, why don't you sing for us. The fourth tenor. Light swings around light. Don't go over budget. Can you give me an accounting of bandwidth. Well then, you d on't have an arguement. They met in prison. Each his own. The hexadenomination molecule had other uses. For instance if it was inserted into the dna circumstance that governs the gene, it will show up in the breeding. Nicht wahr? Ya, mein oberevilme isterin. 'allo 'allo. Very poor taste. Making fun of the camps. Her grandmother was in one of them. Their theories were farcical. We threw the whole thing out. Yet it floats. Like a mine in the dark infested sea. Ready to explode again. When the cell meets the otter. I went to the bathroom. Kelly's face appeared in the toilet. I couldn't help it. I had to squat. I wanted to see her face as I pissed in it. This would be a good place to end it, Cody. I'm glad you made it back to New York, all cute and cuddily. Like that. I'm sure you'll get well. I stumbled out of Martin's office. It all sucked. No one understood. I was dying. I walked into the midd le of 72nd street. Jaywalking down town. Fucking Martin didn't care if I got run over or not. I nearly did get hit by a crane as it was swinging around to demolish the building. As it was, it only hooked my dress. I got hurled up and up until the clo th ripped and I landed against the side of an apartment house. And came down on a picket fence. Like no one could care. No one takes responsibility anymore. Fuck. I could get hurt. Why are all these cars coming at me. I wandered down Broadway in th e up half. Wham Wham Wham. Nobody stops, eiother. I could just lie here and die. No one cares. It was a very negative zone. A concentration camp. Especially if you were with people who whine a lot. It was just a clear negativity zone in the heart of Germany. Something came out. We was flying near the center. In the car. The hyper-anti-negativity car. It was like a Little Nemo comic strip, soaring over the great city that the Fuerher built. It's on the other side of the trees. But that's Sib eria. Yeah. Keep walking. I trudged along in my snowshoes through the hostile terrain. My parents were behind me now, and I trusted Karyll. He would keep me safe from harm. He sold me to the Apaches. Oh my God. It's only fifty miles. There was an ice bridge. My family was all dead. I was on my own. With only the Revolution to sustain me. What does this mean>? I don't know what it means, she corrected him. Walk straight. You understand that bone and protoplasm is molded around one bank acco unt? Who were the other jurors. Besides the one in the Gates mask and the one who looked like Saddam. Karla Faye Tucker. Neat choice. Tonya Harding. Another ripoff. Who gets called to sit on the Jury? The Clintons have been trying to get on for ye ars. Furgedaboutit. How do you spell that? furgetabout in the seventh inning at the Garden. Vernon can get you tickets. Do it for me, big guy. I didn't know she was hot. Believe me. You got to believe me. I didn't touch her. You don't have to be famous to be on the jury. Or even have connections. Only slaves are barred from the jury box. So you can be high up in governemtn and if you are only a slave to your frenzy, it could set the whole mutherfucking thing off down bozo. It's not time yet . Bedtime for Bozo. Who do you think played the chimp. It wasn't his mother, I can assure you. Boris is the son of Red Tania, the guerilla queen. When we blue u\p the obscene bridge. Take a package. Any package. It might explode. At any minute. Kocinski's big bang theorem going off in your face. Kocinski took off his mask. The big blue lightbulg was next. Going on and off as if breathing. The eyes closed as if in thought. Count down. Get her out from under the desk. Okay, Bill. It's goi ng to be alright. Get him a napkin. A paper towel. Wipe that thing up. Mother is very proud of her little boy. Wipe him, will you. Next it could be an ourangatang piloting your plane. You didn't check,did you? They said it was turbulence. April w ouldn't fuck with him. She told him to be nice to his sister. She was immediately suspicious. Like the last time he had been nice, all those fraternity boys. She couldn't wash the smell off for a week. He said he could get her a gig. Alex, you littl e twit, you sold me to the other \kids on the block She was remembering. Her mind kept going off and on. Why do you think she's so dumb. Everything is turned off. Martin trained her to remember. She sat in a corner for weeks. Staring. Just staring . Like, watching it go by. When did this start? Just after you left. That was before Christmas. Yes. I remember the tree. Kelly on a clothes tree. Being walked through the hall. Staring. But that was Kelly's memory. Not mine. I wasn't here. W as I? Ot a;; see,ed sp c;ear Memory Ceasar took him out. Tzar means Ceasar. So does Keaiser. Ceasar's daughters. All the way back. My name enshrined in gold. But where? Each illuminatoruy had his own companion. A smaller star rotating in space ar ound a common goal. The blood flows through aretery and feels like this. Hear that? That's her heart thyumping. Codyu Ann's dopwn there somewhere. In one of the subbasements under the librarey. One of the jurors was a doll maker. He showed them his dolls as they listened to the witnesses. Some dolls looked like a witness and he would mimic them as they talked as if the doll was testifying. He had made a Monica doll in advance and brtought it to court. Monica was dressed like a dominatrix strippe r. But she was in chains. And wearing a maid's dress. The skirt part. The rest was all leather. Her hands were held tightly behind her back. They put a knife next to her throat. Now talk. It was a frou fruou little skirt that did not go with the leather and the rings. Her face was made up to look cute. Papa Doc put the knife against the young teenager's througt and began to examine her. That's how it all got started. Baby Doc sat on t he panel, having inherited his father's blessing. Now raise your right hand. Interesting how she does that. You'd think the muscles have all been cut. But something's making her jump. I like the way her face keeps trying to come up out of the toilet bowl like that. Her face was made for porcelain. I could live here. But you're gay. So what? Kelly was strictly heterosexual. What about you? I'm hip. I'd love to get on that jury. Can you help me out? They get a free lunch. And natchos. Is th e jury sequestered. I know a girl who cleaned up real fine with the o.j. She wsas pissed as hell when they said the white juors could go home. It wasn't fair. They lock us up overnight and the white folks walks free. Kelly was stumbling along a beach somewhere, with nothing but some long scarfs trailing behind her like the ones that got caught in the Bugatti. Bugatti? It was a stationwagon. That old pimp was never in a bugatti in his freaking life. Then there is Socrates. He made a handsome alte rnate. Does a Grand Jury have alternates. What happens if they run out? Are the same juors there now that started in the beginning? When was that? Back at the beginning of the stone age. The universe was a small place then. You could just put your whole hand around it. And i8t would be safe. But then you would be saved. Wouldn't you? Ask Rasputin. As the story goes, they asked Rasputin what he wore under his kilts, and he had an answer for them. If you can fight like that, you can fight anyth ing. Scots Guards. They rotated outside the dachau. Where the Tzar was vacationing. Let's come back here next summer, mama. There was good shooting on the other side of the lake. Each day their captors would take them around to show them what they w ere doing. As if they needed approval. From someone like you. He freed the serfs. But the serfs were still the serfs. A freed slave is nothing. And if you have four million of them, you're in big trouble. There's no way off the island. They kept h er in the prison for one month. When she came out she was mad. They had taken away her sanity. Now she was a quaking death. Tatiana could not die. Go down slowly. You think in Hollywood we would be safe? No. A slave running away is nothing. Stay and fight. This is mine. You go deeper, not out of bounds. This is something the two books have in common. Neither of their protagonists chose to escape when she or he had the chance. They went towards danger, not away from it. Cody went back to New York. Even though she knew what was waiting. Jim took Huck to New Orleans. Where he and Tom played cards for her. You're good. You sure is good. Changed his name to Vernon. Jim Vernon. Tom was governor of Arkansas. After the war. Vernon owned al l the bars in Little Rock. And the whore house. Best little whorehouse in Washington. The chicken Ranch has got to go. You shutting down the Chicken Ranch? No way. Clinton had a rebellion on his hands. I get that fucking nigger. Will no one rid me of that troublsome priest? And the newspaper. Gradually the black stain was bleached from his skin. He became just like them. But deep in his heart, he knew he was nothing. He had gotten his freedom before the war. Not because of it. He commanded a brigade of Mississippi's finest. Sending white boys into battle for their native soil. He also sold insurance door to door.