It had been a particularly hectic day once again and towards the afternoon I
felt the cramp in my intestines grip me. I took in a deep breath, knowing
that it would go away in a few minutes. A few minutes passed, but instead of
the pain going away, it got worse and then I felt the need to go to the
bathroom. I went down the hallway, closed the door and lifted my skirt above
my hips and quickly lowered my panties before sitting down on the toilet.
Only when I emptied the contents of my colon did the cramping stop, but I
felt weak and drained. I cleaned up, knowing that as much as I dreaded it, I
was going to have to call Dr. Branden in the morning and make an
appointment.

I wouldn't have been too concerned except that this had happened three times
in as many weeks. I attributed it to stress, because I'm a junior in college
and a lot is demanded of me. I was only 22 years old and alone for the first
time. But still, I couldn't help wonder if anything was wrong and that alone
was making me even more worried.

I went back to my room and studied until about 10 p.m. when I couldn't keep
my eyes open anymore. The next morning I dressed and went down the dorm
hallway to the payphone and found Dr. Branden's number in the book. I
deposited a nickel and dialed his number, wishing that I had the courage to
hang up and forget the whole thing.

"Dr. Branden's office," answered the receptionist.

"Hi..., my name's Rachel Miller. I need to make an appointment, please."

"What kind of problem's are you having, Miss Miller?" she asked.

"I..., its just that I keep having cramps and..., you know...," I replied
vaguely.

"Abdominal cramps?" she demanded.

"Yes," I replied.

"Diarrhea?"

"That's right," I answered shyly.

"What about nausea or vomiting?'

"No," I answered. "Not really."

There was a few moments of silence and the lady said, "Well, we have a
cancellation this afternoon at 2 p.m. Would you like that time?"

I wasn't expecting to get in so soon, but I didn't have classes that
afternoon and I guess it was better to get it over with and find out what
was going on. "Sure," I replied, "that will be fine."

I hung up, dreading the drip downtown to the hospital where Dr. Branden's
office was. I'd been going to him for as long as I can remember. In fact, my
mother told me that he delivered me and my brother. He was nice enough, but
like most people, I still dreaded the thought of going to the doctor. I went
back to my room, gathered my books and went off to class and the philosophy
final that I hoped I was prepared for.

After lunch I stashed my books in my room and went out to the front of the
campus and caught the bus downtown. It was a warm humid day and I had
dressed in a light yellow print dress that went down below my knees as was
the fashion. Underneath I wore little; white cotton ankle socks, black
loafers, white cotton panties and a white bra. The breeze felt kind of good
as it blew under my skirt and cooled my legs. I was shy about my body as
most girls were then. A few years later all that would change, but one of
the reasons why I didn't like to go to the doctor was that I knew I was
going to be showing part of my body that a man didn't normally get to see.
It didn't bother me showering in front of the girls in the dorm and I knew
Dr. Branden saw lots of people without their clothes on, but it still was an
unpleasant thought that it was going to happen to me.

Dr. Branden's office was across the street from the main hospital and I
walked in with trepidation. His office was among many in the building and I
had to go to the second floor. Through a glass door I was people waiting in
his waiting room. It wasn't too crowded since the cold and flu season were
about over. I entered and signed in, telling the receptionist that I was
there. She smiled and told me to have a seat.

I thumbed through a few magazines, dreading the moment when the nurse would
open the door and call my name just as she had for several patients before.
Finally the door opened again and a middle age woman who I recognized from
previous visits announced, "Rachel Miller?" Her name was Nurse Sheets and
she was very businesslike. I clearly remembered a time five years ago when I
had a bad case of strep throat and she had given me a shot of penicillin in
my bottom. No wonder I was nervous, I thought.

I stood up and she held the door open for me and asked me how I was. "Fine,"
I responded politely. She led me down the hallway to a door marked "EXAM
ROOM 3." She opened the door and said, "Go ahead and have a seat on the
table. I need to get some history from you."

I pushed myself up and sat on the paper covering that seemed to crinkle
under my weight. Nervously I kicked me feet back and forth and she stood
with a clipboard and asked me various questions about why I had come. I told
her about my cramping and diarrhea. She silently wrote down the information
and finally put down the clipboard. She took my wrist and felt for my radial
artery, counting pulses as she watched the second hand of her watch go
around. After writing down the information she took a thermometer from a jar
and told me to open my mouth. In the meantime she took my blood pressure.
Finally she opened one of the cabinets and took out a hospital gown and
said, "Rachel, I need you to undress completely and put on the gown. Slip it
on so that the opening is in the back. I'll be back in with Dr. Branden in a
few moments."

This was the part that I was dreading. As she left the room and closed the
door, I slipped off the table and reached back and lowered the zipper. I
slipped it off my shoulders and stepped out of it, folding it neatly before
placing it on the counter. I felt strange standing there in my underwear and
shoes so I kicked them off and then unfastened my bra. I hid it under my
dress and then put on the gown, finally figuring out how to tie it in the
back and side.

I knew that I was supposed to take off my panties, but I've always been shy
and I just couldn't bring myself to put my hands under the gown and take
them off. I decided to leave them on in the hope that Dr. Branden wouldn't
need to look down there. Reluctantly I pushed myself up on the table and sat
down to wait. The stiff paper covering felt cold under the thin material of
my panties.

It seemed like I had to wait forever, listening to sounds coming from the
rooms adjacent to mine. I couldn't understand what was being said, but in
the room next to me a small girl started crying and I wondered what was
happening. Finally the door opened and Dr. Branden and Nurse Sheets entered.
He always seemed in a hurry but friendly at the same time. I knew he had a
very busy schedule. He reviewed my chart and asked me a few questions about
my general health and how things were going for me. He acted like he knew me
will even though I rarely saw him. It was kind of flattering, I thought.

"So..., your main complaint is persistent abdominal cramps and bouts of
diarrhea, correct?"

"That's right," I answered.

"This has been going on for several weeks?"

"Yes," I said.

"Any other problems such as fever, vomiting, constipation?"

"No..., nothing like that."

"What about pain? Is there any one place that hurts?"

I thought for a moment and kind of pointed to my lower right abdomen and
said, "Sometimes it hurts here, but now all the time."

He took his stethoscope from his pocket and stepped close to me. He slipped
his hand down the front of the gown and placed the cold surface against my
chest and listened to my heart. After moving it in different spots he
removed it and placed it against my back and told me to breath in and out.
Next he looked into my eyes, mouth, and ears. Satisfied he said, "Do you
have any problems with your breasts? Pain, discharge..., that kind of
thing?"

"Uh..., no," I answered. "Well, sometimes they hurt when I get my period."

"Will you please untie the gown behind your neck so I can examine them
please?" he requested.

I reached behind be neck and undid the tie that I had so much trouble tying
and let the gown drop in front. My breasts weren't big at all. In fact they
would be described as petite. I just kind of stared at the wall as he put
his hand over my left one and felt it. I tried to think of something else as
he moved to the other side. I felt almost completely naked with hardly
anything covering me except the gown draped around my waist. I was glad that
I'd at least kept my panties on.

In less than a minute he said, "That's fine. Go ahead and lay down on your
back, Rachel."

I stretched out, hoping that the short gown would cover myself down there,
but he pulled it up saying, "I'm going to feel your tummy." I blushed even
though I was covered with my cotton panties. He pressed and thumped on my
abdomen asking me if any place hurt. It didn't really and I told him that.
Finally he pulled my gown back down and said, "I don't feel anything that's
suspicious."

He walked over to a cabinet and took out some lubricating gel and the thing
I dreaded seeing: a speculum. "I'm going to examine your pelvis, Rachel." He
pulled the stirrups out from the table and unfolded them. "I'm going to need
you to remove your panties for this."

"Do you really need to do that?" I asked quietly.

"You're an adult woman now, Rachel. You need to have a pelvic exam every
year. There's nothing for you to be embarrassed about," he admonished.

Shyly, I reached down and put my fingers in the elastic of my panties and
slid them off my bottom and down my legs. I quickly pulled the gown over my
thin patch of pubic hair.

Dr. Branden stepped to the end of the table, sat on a stool so that he was
facing between my legs and said, "Go ahead and slide your bottom forward and
place your feet in the stirrups with your knees apart."

I scooted on the paper surface until I could reach the metal stirrups and I
placed my heels in them. Reluctantly I spread my knees apart, giving him
full view and access to my vaginal opening.

In his professional tone he asked, "Are you sexually active, Rachel?"

I replied honestly, "Uh..., well, not really. I mean I've never been..., you
know."

"Had intercourse?" he offered.

"That's right," I answered.

"Have you been penetrated, though? Fingers..., that sort of thing?"

I stared at the ceiling and answered, "Well..., yes."

He didn't seem concerned or interested in the details, but instead asked,
"Are your periods normal?"

"Pretty much," I replied. "I guess I'm pretty regular with them."

"When was your last period?"

I thought for a moment and answered, "It ended last Monday."

"Fine," he replied.

I felt his fingers between my legs and he said, "Well, you may find this a
bit uncomfortable, but I'll try not to hurt you."

With that, he looked closely at my labia and then spread them apart to
reveal my clitoris and urethra. It felt so strange knowing that a man was
looking closely at my most personal parts. My boyfriend had seen me there
with the lights off, but never like this. And I'd never gone all the way
with him. Sure, his fingers had been in there and I thought it felt really
nice. Suddenly Dr. Branden put two of his fingers deep into my vagina and I
gasped!

"Just try to relax, Rachel. I'm going to push on you from the outside for
just a minute to feel your uterus and ovaries."

I took in a deep breath and felt him press on my abdomen against the two
fingers he had deep in my vagina. Some of it was tender and he told me that
he had probably pushed on an ovary. I was pretty thin and it was probably
pretty easy for him to feel all my organs.

"Do you want to do a pap smear, Doctor?" asked the nurse.

"I think so. Get a scraper and slide for me, please."

She went to a drawer and got the necessary things. Dr. Branden pulled his
fingers back and bit and then I felt the cold metal of the speculum against
my opening. Skillfully he slid it in all the way and then opened it. It hurt
and I tensed up, feeling exposed and vulnerable.

"This will be over in just a minute. I'm going to take a sample from your
cervix just to make certain you aren't growing a cancer there."

Dr. Branden inserted the long scraping device deep into my vagina until it
touched my cervix. Gently he scraped some of the cells away and took it out.
It felt kind of uncomfortable, but not overly painful. He placed the sample
on the slide and gave it back to the nurse. Gratefully, he closed the
speculum and removed it from my vagina.

"There's one more thing I need to do, Rachel," he said. "Go ahead and take
your feet out of the stirrups and scoot back up the table."

"What are you going to do now?" I asked with concern.

"I need to do a rectal examination on you," he offered. "I know this isn't
very pleasant but I'm almost finished. I need you to turn onto your left
side away from me and bring your right leg up and bend your knee."

"Do..., do you really need to do that?" I pleaded.

"I think its important since you are having problems with your bowel. Don't
be embarrassed. You haven't got anything I haven't seen before," he said
somewhat gruffly.

I turned over onto my side as he moved from the foot of the table to the
side. I felt the tie of my gown being undone around the waist and quickly he
separated it and folded it over my hip so that my bottom was completely
exposed. Dr. Branden placed his left hand on my right buttock with his
finger near the crevice. He lifted it until my anus was completely revealed
and I knew he was looking closely at it. I felt so embarrassed! "There's no
evidence of hemorrhoids," he said. I felt my bottom go back to where it was
and then he continued, "I'm going to insert my finger into your rectum now,
Rachel. Just take a few deep breaths and try to relax."

He spread my bottom apart again and this time I felt a lubricated finger
approach my opening. He gently lubricated me with his finger and then
slipped it past my sphincter. I felt my breath being taken away, but I tried
to relax as much as possible.

"Have you had a bowel movement today?" he asked.

I hated this, but answered weakly, "Uh..., no."

His long finger went deep into my bottom until I felt his knuckles against
me. He moved it around inside, feeling the walls of my rectum.

After a moment he said, "Please bear down like you're having a bowel
movement."

I strained and pushed against his finger and then he suddenly removed it.
"Go ahead and sit up," he said as he walked over to the sink to wash his
hands.

Gratefully I pushed myself up and swung my feet over the edge of the table
and tried to cover myself again with the gown. I felt even sillier since I
was still clutching my panties in my hand. After a moment he came back over
and sat down on the stool. The nurse handed him my chart and he started
making notes in it. "Rachel," he said, "I don't see anything that jumps out
at me. I'm concerned about how tender your abdomen is and the diarrhea
you've been having. Have you had any blood in your stools or blood on the
paper when you wipe?"

"Uh..., no," I responded.

"Good," he answered, "Now, do you have anything to do for the next couple
hours?"

"No..., not really," I replied suspiciously.

"I'd like to sent you across the street to the radiology department at the
hospital and have them x-ray your colon. Would that be alright with you?"

"Do you think there's something wrong?" I asked worriedly.

"I don't know. As I said, I don't see anything overt, but you may have
appendicitis, diverticulitis, polyps, although that would be unusual at your
age, or you may have something else going on. It would be a good idea to
just have them take a look."

I decided that I really wanted to know what was going on, so I said, "I
don't have any important plans, I guess."

He finished writing and then handed the chart back to the nurse and said,
"Call over to radiology and see if you can schedule a BE for an hour from
now. Tell them I'd like her fit in if possible."

"Yes, Doctor," she replied officially. She left the room with my chart and
Dr. Branden got up to leave.

"She'll be back with you in a minute. If they can do it, she'll need to prep
you which will take about an hour. I'm afraid it isn't going to be very
pleasant, but we need to get to the bottom of this."

"What's a BE?" I asked.

"Barium enema," he replied. "Its the test I want them to do."

My blood felt as if someone had dumped ice into it. What I had just gone
through was bad enough, but I'd never had an enema before and I didn't like
the idea of getting one now.

"I thought you just wanted them to do an x-ray," I said in a shaky voice.

"In order for the radiologist to see the lining of your colon they have to
put something that will show up on x-rays. They use a chalky liquid called
barium sulfate. Otherwise they can't see anything. After your colon is
filled with barium then they x-ray it."

I asked, "Is it going to hurt?"

"No, although its uncomfortable. You'll feel full and bloated, but it
shouldn't be too bad. Its a good test, Rachel. OK?"

"I..., I guess, Dr. Branden. It really sounds awful, though," I whimpered.

"I know and I can't tell you that its going to be anything less than
unpleasant, but its really your choice. I'd recommend it, however."

"I..., I guess so." It was different when he left it up to me. I really
wanted to know what was going on.

"As I said, Nurse Sheets will be back in momentarily. If they are able to do
it this afternoon she will be prepping you by giving you a series of
cleansing enemas before we send you over there. Your colon has to be
completely empty or the test will be compromised."

I was shocked and frightened. I never dreamed that anything like this was
going to happen to me! I didn't want to go through with this at all, but I
had to find out what was wrong with me.

"Isn't there some other test that can be done, doctor?" I asked.

He smiled and replied, "I know you're scared, but this test isn't as bad as
it sounds. I know its embarrassing, but its pretty common. They do a lot of
them over at the hospital so you're in good hands. And yes, there is another
test, but its even more uncomfortable."

"What's that?" I asked.

"Well, if this test is negative and you are still having problems, I'm going
to recommend that you have a sigmoidoscope. Its a long tube with a scope on
it that is inserted into your rectum so that the colon can be visualized. It
isn't fun, trust me. The BE will be a better place to start. OK?"

"Alright," I said quietly.

There was a soft knock on the door and it opened and Nurse Sheets returned.
She said, "They can fit Rachel in for you, doctor."

"Good," he said. "I'll let you go ahead a prep Miss Miller and then send her
over with this prescription for the exam. Good luck, Rachel!"

"Thanks."

"I'm going to ask you to get your clothes and step across the hall, Miss
Miller. There's a bathroom and sink in this other exam room along with the
enema equipment."

I got my clothes, made sure that the back of my gown was closed and stepped
across the hall to another room. It was about the same size as the first
room, but with simpler furnishings. The table was only a padded table and
not designed for doing medical exams. There were cabinets and a counter
which housed a sink. Above it were more cabinets with glass allowing the
contents to be visualized. Next to the table was an IV pole. Nurse Sheets
said, "I need to get things together and that will take a moment, Why don't
you have a seat on the table."

I pushed myself up on the padded table and watched as she gathered the enema
equipment. She got a large metal container out of one of the cabinets and
set it on the counter. From a drawer she got a length of rubber tubing that
she attached to the metal container. It all looked like torture devices to
me. I felt a shiver run through my spine as she opened another drawer and
removed a white enema tip that was about six inches long with a bulbous tip.
She attached it to the other end of the long tubing.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I usually try to have this set up before I bring the
patient in. I hope you don't mind."

"No."

"Have you ever had an enema before?" she asked.

Again I answered, "No."

"Well, I'll try to make it as comfortable as possible, Rachel. I know that
none of this is how you'd prefer to spend your afternoon."

She got another metal container out of the lower cabinet under the sink and
filled it to a certain level and made sure it was of a proper temperature.
She poured the water into the metal enema container and walked over to the
IV pole with the apparatus and hung it up. She draped the end with the white
enema nozzle over the top of the container and said, "Are you ready?"

"I guess," I answered uncertainly.

Nurse Sheets went back to the drawer next to the sink and took out a tube of
the same kind of lubricant that Dr. Branden had used to stick his finger
into me. "I'm going to start with one quart, Rachel. I'll put it in slowly
and if it causes you any discomfort, I'll stop until the cramps subside.
OK?"

I nodded because I didn't really want to talk anymore. I felt disjoined from
what was happening.

"Go ahead and lay on your left side like you were when Dr. Branden did your
rectal."

I stretched out on the table and turned away from her to face the wall. I
felt her separate my gown and the cool air of the exam room let me know that
my bottom was once again completely naked.

"Bring your leg up near your chest so I can insert the enema tip."

I did as she asked, knowing that I was revealed to her. She placed her hand
on my bottom and spread it apart until my anus was fully exposed. I knew she
had lubricated the tip and I felt it against my opening and then she gently
pushed the wide tip through my sphincter. It felt really strange as it went
it and I grunted at the intrusion. In a moment it didn't bother me anymore.

"I'm going to start the flow now. Just take some deep breaths and relax."

She opened the clamp and I suddenly felt the water enter my rectum. Even
though it was warm, it sent a strange feeling throughout my abdomen. It
wasn't painful, but it just felt very strange having water flow into my
bottom. I felt it go in deeper and then there were a few cramps. I felt
almost stunned from the sensation, but Nurse Sheets sensed my discomfort and
stopped the flow for a moment.

"Doing all right, Rachel?"

"Yes," I panted.

She released more of the water and in another minute the contents of the bag
had been transferred to my intestines. I guess that since I had gone to the
bathroom so much yesterday, there was enough room inside me for the water.
It just felt like I was full and needed to go to the bathroom.

"I'd like you to hold that for a couple minutes, Rachel, and then you may
get up and use the toilet."

I just lay there feeling the fullness of the enema. I wondered when she was
going to take the nozzle out. I wished I wasn't so exposed. I could only
imagine how it must look for me to be laying on that table with an enema
hose sticking out of my bottom. I hoped no one walked in!

I looked over my shoulder and saw Nurse Sheets fill the container up with
water again, except it seemed like it was fuller this time. "I really need
to go, please," I demanded.

She walked back to me and gently pulled the enema tip out of my bottom and
said, "There's the bathroom. Go ahead and empty as much as you can and then
we'll get started with the next one."

I got off the table, holding my stomach and walked quickly to the bathroom
and closed the door. It felt like it did when I had diarrhea, except I
didn't have the painful cramps that I usually get. I just needed to go!

I sat down on the toilet and felt the water squirt out of my bottom. I
stopped for a minute as part of me emptied to be replaced with more stuff
from above. Along with the water was small pieces that came out. I flushed
the toilet several times as one wave ended and the next began. After awhile
I felt normal and I wiped myself really good and flushed for the last time.

When I opened the door, Nurse Sheets wasn't there, but then enema was ready
for me. I climbed back on the table and waited for her to return. It didn't
take long and she asked me if I was ready again.

"Yes," I answered, "but how many of these do I have to get?"

"Probably just two more. Did a lot of stool come out this time?"

"No..., I don't think I have anything there since I went yesterday."

"Probably not. Now why don't you lay down again for me."

I complied and she gave me the second enema. It was a quart and a half this
time and it got harder to take toward the end. I had to ask her to stop
several times for the pressures to equalize. Finally it was time to use the
bathroom again and I gratefully went!

It turned out that I only needed one more cleansing enema, but this time she
gave me two quarts saying, "This is how much barium they normally
administer, although since you are petite, that may not be necessary. I want
to check the toilet before you flush the last time to make sure that it is
coming out mostly clear. OK?"

I was almost in tears when she finished giving me the last enema. It hurt
and made me feel pregnant. My abdomen was distended as I got off the table
and waddled to the bathroom. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it
before I exploded. I held my bottom tightly together until I was on the
toilet and then I let it come out. The only thing that came out this time
was water and I knew I probably wasn't going to get another enema.

After I felt that everything was out of me, I cleaned up and told her I
finished. She went into the bathroom and inspected the toilet bowl.
Satisfied, she said, "That's fine. I think you are cleaned out adequately
for the BE. Go ahead and get dressed and I'll give you directions to the
radiology department across the street.

She left the exam room and I quickly stepped into my panties and pulled them
up. I took off the hospital gown and fastened my bra behind me. I stepped
into my dress, pulled it over my shoulders and buttoned it up the front. I
was so happy to be wearing my clothes again, although I knew that in a few
minutes I would be facing the same thing again. I went out the door and down
the hall, exiting into the waiting room. Nurse Sheets was at the desk and
gave me a slip of paper with the directions to the radiology department,
even though I was sure I could find it on my own. She said goodbye and I
left Dr. Branden's office, wondering what in the world I had gotten myself
into.
i