The Tale of Captain Vickie (A Fantasy Train Story)

I don't know who's idea it had been to stop off in Port Royale, but
everyone was having a good time.  Janey was thrashing some thugs at
cards, and while I was a bit worried they would work out she was
cheating, I was confident she could handle the situation.  Maria was
certainly handling her situation expertly; she had at least five
pirates waiting on her hand and foot.  I wasn't too sure what Virago
and Souvie were doing, but there was a lot of male cheering coming
from their part of the bar.  I had originally intended to join Janey
and win a bit of money, but Shon had side-tracked me.  He was sat with
his feet up on a table, sipping water of all things, and holding forth
about pirating and getting half his facts wrong.  Well, someone had to
set him straight.

Some scantily clad wench kept bringing me fresh pints of ale that
tasted as bad as my Dad's homebrew, and our scholarly discussion
became more rambling, less coherent and much more insulting.

"You, madam," Shon said, sounding well sloshed, though how he had
managed that on bottled water I don't know, "have as much knowledge of
piracy as your namesake, Henry Morgan, knew about supply management."

Well that was adding insult to injury.  Not only did he call me madam,
which I hate, but he was maligning one of my favourite pirates, who's
name I had partially borrowed for my pen name.

"Ha! You reveal your ignorance by slighting the first pirate to sack
the city of Panama!" I snapped, slamming my mug on the table.  Shon's
not the only one who can be pompous.

"That insult doesn't bother me madam, as I can tell your memory as
been muddled by the gunpowder laced ale you are drinking!" he said
smugly.  I may have been wrong, but I would have bet good money that
Jimmy Hat had been fixing his water.

"Listen, you sorry excuse for a colonist," I growled, getting into the
spirit of things.  "You yourself have admitted that you learnt most of
your pirate knowledge from some stupid computer game.  Just because
you had a high score on a game that was run on an Apple IIe, is no
reason to think you know anything about pirate history."

Now that got to him.  He took his feet off the table for the first
time all evening and sat up straight, well as straight as he could
manage.  I wasn't doing much better than Shon and was finding it hard
to keep him in focus.

"I wouldn't need a video game to beat you on the high seas," he
challenged.  "I would have you boarded, defeated and plundered while
you were trying to figure out why the compass arrow kept moving!"

The cheeky rat.  Now Shon might be very charming, and a sickening good
writer, but all he knew about pirating or sailing was some silly
computer game.  I was exactly the best sailor ever, but I had at least
had some sailing experience.  Besides which, drunk or sober I have
never been known to back down from a challenge.  You would think I'd
have learnt more sense by now but I'm sorry to say I hadn't.  In
normal circumstances we would have just sat around all night trading
insults, but unfortunately these weren't normal circumstances.

"Louie!" I yelled, "get out from under Souvie's skirt and come over
here!"  It was a good guess.  Souvie appeared at our table, and I
stuck a hand under her dress and dragged the leprechaun out by the
collar.

"Shon and I are going to have a duel of pirate ships, go arrange it!"
I commanded him.

"What the fuck?" Louie said.  "Go out and go play in the water if
you're going to do something that daft!"

"I don't think so, you little smeg," I snarled, hauling the little
green man into the air so he was face-to-face with me.  I would have
thought that the dratted leprechaun would have been trying to keep on
my good side after all he had put me through already. "After all,
Shon's wish was that you would 'take all who wish to come on a guided,
safe, fun tour through time'.  I say that I'm not having much fun
unless I get a chance to kick Shon's smug ass in a game of duelling
pirate ships."  I dropped him and gave him my dirtiest look.

"I can't just conjure up two ships on a whim," Louie complained.

"Just use the Fantasy Train," I told him, trying not to smile at such
a pathetic excuse.  He had obviously forgotten that I'd had chance to
read the manuals for the operation of the Fantasy Train.  "You know it
can shapeshift.  Why can't two of the cars change into boats for our
use?"

"We'll need sloops," Shon offered, getting a gleam in his eye as he
realised the possibilities for fun.  "Anything larger would just draw
attention."

"I just want to be sure Louie doesn't forget the crews, we'll look
silly out on boats by ourselves," I suggested, determined not to let
Shon come up with all the good ideas.  Did I mention I was a bit
competitive?

"Crew?  Where am I going to get a crew?  It was hard enough staffing
the Fantasy Train," Louie whined.

"Liar," I said sweetly.  "The crew is simply parts of the Fantasy
Train, shapeshifted and moving around on it's own."

Louie stamped on the table, and Shon pounded the table as well.  He
looked extremely startled, so that was evidently one tit-bit of
information he hadn't known up to now.  I didn't want to know what he
had been up to, but so far he must have been able to avoid splinters.

"Fine, fine!" Louie snarled.  "Tomorrow morning, you'll have your
duel.  It'll be two sloops, with fully loaded crews.  Fight till dawn
if you must, the magic will last that long.  Hell, kill each other's
crew, they'll be back to work in no time."

"Good, one last condition," I said sweetly.  "Tonight we'll go over
our crews with you, so that we have EXACTLY what we want for
tomorrow."

"What exactly are we playing for?" Louie asked.  "I mean, is this a
duel to the death?"

"Of course not, we'll simply fight till someone is captured," Shon
answered.  "We just need to settle on a wager."

"That's easy, the old pirates used to risk life and limb," I said
recklessly.  "I suggest we wager our bodies, to be used at the other's
discretion.  That is, if you're not afraid of being at the mercy of
little old me?"

"Sure," Shon answered.  "It's a deal,"

The leprechaun scowled at us, but he didn't really have a choice in
the matter.  I took him down to the harbour, and got to work
immediately on my ship.  Shon had foolishly not set any restrictions
on what kind of boats or firepower we were allowed for this
competition.  During my last holiday, I'd taken a trip on a Whitbread
Yacht.  Not one that had actually won the round the world race; they
had come second by about ten seconds.  The speed and manoeuvrability
of that boat had been amazing.  I'd asked a hundred and one questions,
and I dug in my memory for all the information I could remember.
Louie sulked a bit at first, but he soon realised that I wasn't going
to put up with any of his messing about.

After a lot of hard work and nagging my boat was ready.  I had double
cannons in each of the twelve gun ports, but I thought that any more
would unbalance the ship and slow her down.  All that was left to do
was to pick a crew.  I thought some experts would be useful, so I
asked for every pirate I could think of, from Blackbeard to the Dread
Pirate Roberts.  Then I added in the crew of the Argonaut, since they
knew a thing or two about fighting, and every explorer who's name I
could remember.  And as a last addition I included Leonardo da Vinci,
since I would need an inventive thinker on my side to outsmart Shon.
Of course I didn't have the actual people themselves, but a close
replica of them, endowed with all their knowledge and attributes.  Or
at least that was what I was hoping for.  The fact that all the
Argonauts looked like Kevin Sorbo clones wasn't giving me much
confidence.  Leo was already throwing out ideas, and sketching
complicated designs on a piece of canvas.  I told the leprechaun to
provide Leo with anything he thought he might need, and left it to him
to it.

"So will that be all?" Louie asked.  I almost felt sorry for the
little rat, he looked so knackered, so I let him go.  I did wonder if
I would be able to maintain control over my motley crew, but Louie had
obviously programmed them to follow my orders.  The only slight
rebellion I had was about naming our vessel.  They didn't think much
of my suggestions, so I gave in and let them call her 'Dreadnought'.

We set sail straight away, edging our way out of the harbour in the
moonlight.  The 'Dreadnought' sailed liked a wet dream, although Long
John Silver had a few difficulties when she heeled over at an angle of
nearly 90 degrees.  She could shift as well, not to mention how
quickly she could manoeuvre.  Shon didn't stand a chance.  And that
was before Leo showed me his plans.  He had constructed a mini
submarine, and devised an underwater explosive device with a long
fuse.  He wanted to sneak up on Shon's ship, attach his explosives
under the waterline and sail away and watch the explosion from a safe
distance.  Seemed like a good plan to me.

I'd had the forethought to make sure I had a truly luxurious cabin.
Don't ask me how Louie fitted a four-poster bed into a racing yacht,
but he did.  Must be one of those tardis things.  I had a lovely
night's sleep and was woken up in the nicest way by Jason.  And before
your dirty minds get going, I am of course referring to the perfectly
cooked breakfast he brought me.  Although that thorough massage he
gave me was very nice too.

I wasn't too sure what the well-dressed pirates were wearing at this
particular point in history.  I didn't have a lot of faith in
Hollywood's costume department accuracy, but all I had to guide me was
all those old swashbuckling films.  So I had got Louie to let me have
some special leather trousers.  I don't know if you've ever tried
getting a pair of leather trousers on but it's a difficult task.  This
particular pair were loose until I fastened them up, then they
magically shrank to fit as tightly as possible.  I've got pretty good
legs so they looked great, even if I do say so myself.  I added one of
those big, baggy white shirts pirates always seem to be wearing, and a
belt with a big, gold buckle and some gold hoop earrings.  That only
left my messy hair.  I did my best to tie it all back in two pigtails
down my back, as I had a vague idea that it looked piratey.  I then
tried tying a scarf over it, but decided I looked more like a member
of Guns'n'Roses than a pirate and settled for a big brimmed hat
instead.

We had forgotten to set a perimeter on our duel, which is the kind of
thing that happens when you try to arrange a bet when you're half
drunk.  But from what I had gathered of Shon's sailing experience, and
a fair estimate of how much his head would be aching this morning, I
reckoned he wouldn't have sailed that far away from Port Royale.  So I
passed down the order to head in that direction, and we turned about
and started tacking our way back the way we had come.

I was enjoying the fresh air and trying to follow Leo's schematics for
a primitive radar, when a yell came from aloft.  A ship had been
spotted, and what's more it was flying the skull and cross bones.  We
soon caught up with them, and shot off a volley of cannon balls.  I
don't know if it was skill or luck, but we took out one of their masts
right away.  They hadn't seen us coming and we had the advantage of
surprise on our side.

The traditional pirates had given me strange looks when I had ordered
ropes to be attached to the top of the mast and the end of the boom,
but the fictional pirates knew what they were for.  I picked the most
able bodied of my crew, and ordered them to follow me.  We grabbed the
ropes, Nelson deftly manoeuvred the boat into the best position, and
we all swung across onto the other ship.  As planned, half of our
boarding party hit their one remaining sail, stuck their cutlasses
into it, and slid down, ripping the sail to shreds in the process.

I was feeling pretty pleased with myself as I lead the other half of
the boarding party in a charge towards the poop deck.  My men were
gallantly slashing and hacking at their enemies, and I was slightly
surprised how much blood there was.  I wouldn't have thought that
Louie would have wasted his energy on that little detail.  To be
honest, I wished he hadn't bothered.  Not only was it giving a
gruesome air to the proceedings, but it was also making it hard to
keep my footing.  Just about the time we reached the companion way to
the upper deck, I realised that something was seriously wrong.  None
of my crew were bleeding, no matter how many blows they received.
Added to which, I mistimed a parry and my opponent's sword scratched
my upper arm and I started bleeding.

Now I knew full well that I had made Louie fix things so that neither
Shon nor I could get injured.  Which left only one conclusion: I was
attacking the wrong ship and in serious trouble.  Hoping against hope
I was jumping to the wrong conclusion, I scrambled to the top of the
steps.  Instead of Shon, I found myself face to face with an ugly
grizzled character, which definitely not Shon.  I barely had chance to
yell 'retreat' before he grabbed me around the neck and swung a blow
at my chin.  For some reason, I spent my last few seconds of
consciousness trying to think of an appropriate curse.

When I came round, I found that I was tied to the mast.  Well, it was
a traditional part of any good pirate film, but this wasn't quite the
way I had imagined it.  The ropes were a lot tighter than I thought
they would be, for one thing.  I was a lot more scared, as well.
That's putting it mildly: actually I was terrified witless!  I twisted
around, but couldn't see any sign of either my ship or Shon's.

For lack of anything better to do, I focussed on the group of
cut-throats at present discussing my fate.  Quite a few of them wanted
to cut my throat there and then, which was understandable, I suppose.
What was more worrying, they had worked out I was female and some of
them were suggesting far more dire fates for me.  According to Shon's
original wish, none of us were going to come to any harm on this trip.
However, a couple of things worried me.  One, this was kind of a side
trip, not really part of the original trip.  Two, I wasn't exactly
Louie's favourite passenger.  And finally, I had no idea exactly what
Louie defined as 'harm'.

Just then, the man who had knocked me out pushed his way through the
crowd to stand in front of me.  He really was ugly.  Most of his teeth
were missing, he had an interesting collection of scars and wrinkles
and someone had given him a really bad haircut.

"Who are you?" he growled.

"Vickie Morgan, who are you?" I shot back.  Sometimes I don't know
when to keep my big mouth shut.  He looked rather taken aback by my
reply.  He looked me up and down suspiciously.

"I be Henry Morgan," he informed me.  "You're no relation of mine, are
ye?"

I desperately tried to guess what the best answer would be, but in the
end decided a lie was too likely to get me into more trouble.

"I don't think so," I admitted.  He didn't look too impressed with me,
which wasn't good as he seemed to be in charge of deciding what was
going to happen to me.

"So you're Vickie, are you?" he asked, giving a cackle.  "That's a
female's name, I believe.  But females don't usually go around
attacking the Terror of the Seas.  So let's take a look."  He produced
a knife and sliced off my clothes, giving another cackle when I
flushed bright red all over.

"Well looky here, you are a female after all," he smirked, stepping
back so his crew could have a good look.  Even though I knew it was
useless, I struggled to free myself from the ropes, desperate to cover
myself up.

"So what are we going to do with you?" he asked, giving me a thorough
examination.  "Normally, we send anyone who attacks us straight to
Davy Jones' Locker.  However, when we're privileged to have a lady
onboard, we usually let her entertain us, if you get my meaning."
Since he was busy opening his trousers, it was pretty hard not to
understand him.

"I'd rather die," I spat, really starting to panic.

"Is that so," Henry Morgan asked.  "Well, why don't we see about
that?"  He cut me free of the mast, but left my hands tied behind me.
Then he dragged me over to the side of the ship and forced me down on
my knees, which gave me an unpleasantly close view of his erect and
smelly penis nestling in a tangle of greasy black hair.

"Now Missy, you either suck me off, or you take a step back and go
over the side for shark food."

Well, it wasn't much of a choice, but all things considered I'd rather
take my chances with the sharks.  The sharks would be more attractive,
that was for sure.  So I leant back and rolled over the rail into the
cold waiting sea.  The moment the water closed over my head, I
reconsidered my decision.  Maybe I should have tried reasoning with
them or something.  I kicked towards the surface and managed a gulp of
air before I sank back under the waves.  I thought it wasn't until the
third time that you went down for good, but I wasn't making much
headway towards the surface.  I had almost given up struggling, and I
was waiting for my life to start flashing before me, when my feet came
up against something solid.  There was no way I had reached the bottom
already, I knew that much.

Looking down, I was surprised to see Leo grinning up at me.  Somehow,
I was standing on the top of his mini-sub.  Within moments we were on
the surface and Leo and Raleigh were hauling me inside.  Walter gave
me his cloak and before I had gathered my wits, the 'Dreadnought' had
swooped down and picked us up.

I was a little shaken up by my ordeal, but my crew soon had me feeling
better.  They fed and pampered me until I was once more my usual
cheerful self.  I avoided my version of Henry Morgan for the time
being though.  By the time we spotted Shon, I was feeling pretty
relaxed and confident.  After all, we had taken on a real pirate and
pretty much trashed his ship.

As I had expected, Shon had gone for the traditional sailing vessel,
and we could sail rings around him without even trying.  Leo begged me
to let him have a go with his mini-sub and, since I reckoned I owed
him, I let him have his way.  Drake was finally getting the hang of
the winches, although Long John Silver was still finding it hard to
keep his footing on the fibreglass deck.  So we sailed up and down,
distracting Shon as best we could, while Leo sneaked up behind him.

I was feeling quite smug, until I noticed that most of my crew were
studying Shon's ship intently, going as far as to fight over the
telescope.  Starting to feel a little uneasy, I called over Blackbeard
and asked what was so interesting.  He gave me a sly grin, and passed
me the telescope.  I focussed on my opponent's deck, and couldn't
believe what I was looking at.  Shon had crewed his boat entirely with
gorgeous women.  Everyone from Michelle Pieffer to Shaina Twain was
there.  I could well imagine what Shon had spent the day doing.  All
the better, from my point of view.  Shon would be pretty tired, and
his collection of bimbos probably wouldn't be that good when it came
to hand-to-hand fighting, except for maybe Buffy and Xena.

Unfortunately, my crew were so fascinated by the scantily clad women
that they weren't paying attention to their jobs.  Somehow, Shon
managed to fire off a broadside, and took out our jib.  I couldn't
believe he had hit us.  However, just then there was a muffled
explosion and Shon's ship lurched dramatically.  Leo had done his job
well, and Shon's boat was starting to sink rapidly.  We sailed in
closer to finish them off and, left with no choice, his crew started
to board us.

At first, it went quite well.  My men didn't exactly have a good deal
of opposition, and they were cutting down Shon's lovely crew with
ease.  If I hadn't known they were all just mannequins, I would have
found it quite a disturbing sight.  As it was, I was having a great
time yelling orders and slicing up the opposition.  It was very
satisfactory, in a disturbingly Freudian way, to hack away at some of
the beautiful women I had looked at enviously in magazines.  Then,
just about the time Shon appeared on the deck of his sinking ship, I
realised that some of my men had forgotten about fighting their
attractive opponents and were instead wrestling with them in a
suspiciously intimate manner.  I sent Nelson and Captain Hook to try
to re-motivate them but I seemed to have a new problem.

Somehow, Shon's crew were rallying.  Well, not all of them, it mainly
seemed to be Buffy, Carmen Electra and Shon himself.  It wasn't until
I saw Shon literally cut Hercules in two that I realised what was
going on.  Shon may have settled for a conventional boat, but the
bastard had cheated with his weapons!  Unless I was imagining things,
he was wielding a lightsabre fit for a Jedi knight.  All too soon I
got a close up look at it when he finally fought his way to me.

"Really, Vickie, naming your ship 'Dreadnought', it seems so. . .so .
. .butch" were the first words out of his mouth.

"It's better than naming my ship after a bird that catches fire," I
retorted, having had time to note that he had called his ship
'Phoenix'.  Maybe not the sharpest retort ever, but I was more
interested in getting in the first blow.  It was a pretty good blow,
but I had forgotten that Shon was armed with a lightsabre and as soon
as my blade met his, it just disintegrated.  Left with just a short
stump to fight with, I had to really work hard.  Feeling grateful for
a several holidays at Centre Parcs, where I had indulged in fencing
lessons, I found that I was actually getting the better of Shon.  I
think his afternoon's activities had used up a lot of his energy.  It
was going to be a difficult fight to win, as we had made sure that
none of our weapons could harm living flesh.

It never does to underestimate Shon's creative instincts.  Realising
he wasn't going to be able to fight his way to victory, he changed his
line of attack.  At first I thought it was just an accident that he
had ripped my shirt, but by the time I was mostly naked I had worked
out it was a deliberate ploy.  I was instinctively trying to shield
myself from view; not just for modesty's sake, but also because I had
no desire to be compared to all the super models strutting about.  I
tried to adopt his tactics, but even when I'd shredded all his
clothing he didn't seem bothered.  Typical male!

We had pretty much run out of clothes, and I was trying to come up
with a winning plan, when an avalanche of water blasted us to the
deck.  Battered breathless, it took me a moment to realise what was
going on and by that time it was too late.  Unbelievable as it may
sound, a massive sea serpent was towering over my port bow.  It was
all green and slimy and had more tentacles than any decent beast
should have.  Before I knew what was going on, one of the
aforementioned tentacles was wrapped around my waist and trying to
squeeze the breath out of me.

Furious at being trapped for a second time that day, I did my best to
stab at the beast with the remains of my sword.  It was useless, like
stabbing rubber with a plastic fork.  Abandoning my sword, I tried
squirming, biting and wriggling my way out of the slimy embrace until
I realised I was being lifted up in the direction of the hideous head.
I might still have had a chance to escape, but I made the mistake of
looking down to check how Shon was doing.  I hate heights, really,
really hate heights.  I can't help it.  I either freeze, or scream.
This time I did both.

My mind had been wiped clean of any coherent thought by terror, when I
caught sight of movement out of the corner of my eye.  By this time
more scared that the monster would drop me than that he would eat me,
I cast a timid look down.  What I saw was enough to stop me screaming,
at any rate.  Like some superhero, Shon was hacking and leaping his
way towards me.  Somehow, he never lost his footing, but climbed
closer and closer to me.  Unfortunately, I was also getting closer and
closer to the maw of the beast.  I must have been really losing it,
because as Shon got nearer I could have sworn I heard music.

Just as I was being positioned over the monster's gullet ready to be
swallowed, Shon arrived and started swinging that lightsabre around.
He sliced through the tentacle like a hot steak knife through
ice-cream.  For one horrible moment I was hanging in the air with
nothing between me and a long, long drop, the next Shon had grabbed
hold of me.  As ashamed as I am to admit it, I clung to him like any
traditional damsel in distress who had just been rescued.  Then he
somersaulted into the air, but for some reason we were travelling in
really slow motion.  Which meant we were suspended in mid air, upside
down, supported by nothing whatsoever and with a very long drop
beneath us.  It was just too much for me and I fainted.  It just
seemed to be my day for being unconscious.

                              *                                 *
*

The next thing I knew, I was back on the deck of the Dreadnought.
Around me, I saw the remnants of both crews; mine bound hand and foot.
For some reason, I was bound too, and Shon reached down to take the
gag out of my mouth.

"Not a bad fight," he said.  I twisted my head and managed to glimpse
his ship finally sinking below the waves.

Well, I know I should have been filled with gratitude for Shon after
all his heroics, but now that I was back at sea level my competitive
instincts were reasserting themselves.

"Hey, how can you say that you won when I sank your ship?" I asked.
Shon had been just about to undo the ropes binding my hands and feet,
but he stopped and stuffed the gag back into my mouth.

"I think I proved my point," the git said smugly. "Buffy, give me a
status report!"

"Buffy got eaten by the sea monster. Plus, I think she would rather be
called
Sarah, Captain." one of Shon's crew told him.  I may have been wrong,
but I could have sworn that it was Scully.

"Damn, it was a harsh battle, Gillian," Shon said solemnly "Oh well,
we're still alive. Send my prisoner to her quarters and I'll claim my
prize there."

Now that was overdoing it a bit.  It had been a fun battle, but we had
both known that we couldn't be injured during it.  As for calling me
his prisoner, he was really asking for it.  I wriggled closer and
aimed a kick at Shon's feet to try and bring him down to my level.
Unfortunately, he stepped forward at that moment and I connected
instead with a discarded sword.  It went skittering across the deck
and disappeared over the side, and I'm sure I heard someone yell.

A couple of Shon's bimbos took hold of me and man-handled, or rather
woman-handled me below decks.  Along the way I got a glimpse of the
side of the ship.  Leo was hopping around on top of his mini-sub, one
hand clutching a burning torch and the other clutching his head.  The
sword I had kicked overboard was lying by his feet, and even as I
watched he tripped over it and fell.

I was hustled downstairs and unceremoniously dumped on the floor of my
cabin.  I would have been indignant at their cavalier treatment of me,
but I had heard Scully announcing that Shon's crew was to be given my
crew as a reward and the nymphomaniacs didn't want to miss out.  They
hurried out, and a few minutes later Shon stumbled in and collapsed
limply on my bed.  I couldn't believe he was going to leave me on the
floor tied up and gagged.  I tried to call his attention to my
uncomfortable position, but the rag in my mouth made that difficult.
I must have made enough noise though, because Shon sat up and pulled
the gag out.

"You know, if I can move your body around, and gag you at my pleasure,
I
have to say that it looks like I won," he observed.  Well, he had a
point there.

"All right, if I admit you won, can you give the gag a rest?" I asked.

"Fine, make yourself comfortable," he said. "I think I'm going to take
a
well deserved rest."

"What? You won and you're going to sleep?" I asked, slightly
surprised.

"Yep. For some reason, I'm tired after slaughtering half your crew and
carving up a sea monster. I did have some plans involving nipple
clamps and a
suspension swing, but now I'm too tired to even stand."

Eww, tacky.  He had to be kidding.  After all this was the guy who had
written the elegantly romantic Laura series.  But on the other hand he
had also written the Kiko stories.  I was about to try and discover
how serious he was, but then I got a look at his face.  He really
looked knackered. It must have been hard work climbing up that sea
monster and chopping it up. And he had rescued me when he could have
just left me in the monster's clutches.  It seemed like he deserved
some kind of a reward.

"Well you could untie me and let me do all the work," I suggested.
"After all, I don't want you thinking that I don't pay up when I
lose."

Shon chuckled, "No one could accuse you of being a sore loser. Really,
Vee,
I enjoyed the fight but I have no intention of collecting on my bet."

Great, now he was being noble.  I gave him a dirty look. "Look, git.
You hack my crew to bits, nicked my ship although I still haven't
worked out how, and rescued me from a sea monster.  Now is not the
time to be protecting my chastity.  Untie me, and collect your
reward!"

He still looked doubtful.  "You're a married woman, Vee.  Extra
martial flings aren't my kink."

"Hey, you're married too mate, and I have a fair idea what you've been
up to all day.  And I've been hearing rumours about you and Miss
Behavin.  Anyway, I got married in 1994 and it's 1682 right now.  So
this is way before I got married."

"Typical female logic," Shon said, grinning.  "I wonder if your
husband would agree with that reasoning."

"I did talk it over with him before I set off on this trip," I told
him smugly.  "He agreed with me and told me to go and have fun, as
long as I told him all about it when I got back.  You wouldn't want me
to have nothing to tell him, would you?"

He thought about it for a couple of moments, then got up and started
tugging at my ropes.  He gave a sigh, then I felt the sensation of the
light sabre and my ropes fell away.

"That tingled," I said, my imagination beginning to get active.
After all, who could pass up on the chance to play with a genuine
light sabre?  "We're definitely going to have to use that later. Now
strip down and get into bed.  We only have till dawn."

Any doubts he might have had seemed to have disappeared.  His clothes
had suffered during our sword fight so it didn't take long for him to
get naked.  He flopped on the bed and lay there watching me with a
huge grin on his face.  For a moment I hesitated.  Shon's crew had
consisted of supermodels and just about every sexy singer and actress
going.  I didn't have a supermodel's body by a long shot, that was
sure.  However, since Shon had seemed more interested in attacking my
clothes than me, I was more or less naked already.  Even though I knew
he liked big-breasted women and I'm not exactly well-endowed in that
department, he didn't seem to be complaining.  It was a bit late to
start agonising about my appearance, so I decided to shrug off my
insecurities along with my clothes.

I'd lost the hat when the fighting had first started, but the plaits
were still more or less containing my hair.  Now while I hate my hair,
one thing I have learnt is that men like it.  So I pulled off the
elastic and ran my hands through the tangled mess, shaking it out.
Sure enough, Shon very evidently appreciated that action, judging by
the way significant parts of his body stood up and started paying
attention.  Of course, being naked helps too.

"Roll over onto your stomach," I ordered, and he obeyed instantly.
Funny how men never seem to object to taking orders from a naked
woman. I knelt on the bed, straddling him, and began to knead his
back.  That massage course I took was coming in useful again.  Judging
by the knots I discovered in his muscles, Shon really needed a
massage.  I don't know what he did in that factory of his, but he had
built up some impressive muscles.  I had noticed them when he had
picked me up, but at the time I had been more concerned about how far
above sea level I was.  But now I got to run my hands all over them.
I don't like over musclely men, they just look unnatural.  But Shon
was built just right.

"Wow, Vee, I'm warming up to this idea after all," Shon murmured
appreciatively.  I just grunted, since I was concentrating on a
particularly tense muscle.  It's surprising how exhausting yet
pleasurable it can be to give a massage.  I put in my best efforts and
soon Shon was completely relaxed.  It then occurred to me that
relaxing Shon wasn't exactly the idea.  Still, it was an opportunity
to please myself.

I ran my fingertips over the planes of his back, tracing the line of
his spine.  Leaning forward, I tangled my hands in his wavy hair, then
glided them down his arms to pin his elbows to his side.  I began
pressing light kisses to the back of his neck, working my way round
until I could nibble his earlobe. At the same time I ran my foot up
along the inside of his leg.  I heard him catch his breath, and knew I
had his attention again.  I stretched out so I was lying along his
back and could feel the heat of his body, and continued teasing his
ear.  I felt him shiver, and smiled with satisfaction.

Taking me by surprise, he rolled over, tumbling me onto the bed.  He
captured my hands and pinned them above my head.

"As I remember the deal, the winner got the use of the loser's body,
not the other way around," he informed me.  Well, if he was going to
feed me lines like that he deserves everything he gets.

"I'm sorry," I said, giving him my best mock innocent look, the one
where I make my eyes as big as possible and flutter my eyelashes.
"What with me still having my ship and yours being sunk, I keep
forgetting that I lost."

I don't know what retort he was about to come back with, because right
then the cabin door burst open and Captain Kidd, Leo and Scully
tumbled into the room.  I instinctively dived under the covers and
scowled at the people interrupting us just when things were getting
interesting.

"Sorry to disturb you, but these two insisted that this was urgent,"
Kidd said formally.

"If this young ladies calculations are correct, we may be heading for
a disaster," Leo corroborated.

"Of course my calculation are correct," Scully snapped.  "We have to
get out of here immediately."

"Look, calm down," Shon said soothingly.  "Now everyone be quiet and
let Scully tell us what's going on."

"It seems Leo was going to go down into that sub of his to tidy up a
bit, when he reckons someone dropped a sword on his head."  I could
feel myself blushing guiltily, and burrowed a little further under the
covers.  "He tripped, dropped his lit lamp into the sub and fell on
the hatch, jamming it closed," Scully continued.  "Since it's packed
with explosives, he panicked a bit.  He asked Xena and Blackbeard for
help, and they decided to tow the sub over to the sinking Phoenix and
tangle it in the rigging.  For good measure they slashed the buoyancy
containers, and left it, presuming that it would be dragged to the
bottom of the sea where the explosion would cause no harm."

"Seems like a good idea," Shon said.  "Didn't it work?"

"No it worked," Scully told him.  "The trouble is that the sea bed in
this area is highly unstable.  A large explosion in this area will
almost certainly trigger a seismic occurrence."

"Like an earthquake or a volcano?" I asked.

"Exactly," Scully replied.

"But if it happens at the bottom of the sea, what danger is there to
us?" Shon asked.

"What happens at the bottom of the sea affects the surface of the sea
also.  Depending on the magnitude of the seismic activity, a new
island may be formed.  What will most certainly happen is that a
tsunami will be created."

"That's a giant wave, isn't it?" Shon queried.  "Wouldn't the ship
just ride it out?"

"If we are very lucky, but it is unlikely.  Furthermore, we are very
close to Port Royale, and the tsunami would certainly completely wipe
it out."

"Are you sure about all this?"  Shon asked doubtfully.  "You don't
have a computer or any kind of scanning device, so all this is just
speculation."

"Well, yes," Scully admitted unwillingly.  Just then a stray memory
floated across my brain.

"Um, Shon, are you sure what year we're in?" I asked.

"I told Louie 1682, why?" he asked.

"Port Royale was wiped out by a giant wave in 1692," I told him.

"I thought it was wiped out by an earthquake," Shon argued.

"I watched this documentary all about it.  An earthquake at sea caused
a big wave, which engulfed the whole port.  That's why all the
treasure hunters are still trying to locate the pirate ships that were
in the harbour at the time full of treasures.  I have a really bad
feeling about this," I informed him.

"I'm sure there's nothing to worry about," Shon began uncertainly.

"You trust Louie, do you?" I asked.  He looked at me for a split
second, then we both yelled in unison:

"LOUIE!!!!"

He appeared instantly, looking disgruntled as usual.

"Now what," he snapped.

"What year is it?" I demanded.

"Somewhere around the end of the 17th century," he said sulkily.

"I told you 1682," Shon said grimly.  "So exactly when are we."

"Well, time travel is a complicated business you know," Louie whined.
"It's very easy to hit a 9 instead of an 8."

"Bloody hell, Scully is right!" I yelped, sitting bolt upright.
"Louie, locate Leo's mini sub and dissolve it or change it's shape or
something.  Or even better, turn the explosives into candy-floss or
something like that."

"Er, I'd love to do that for you Vickie," Louie said, edging away from
the bed.  "The thing is though, it's quite hard work getting the train
to shapeshift.  So I just gave Leo some gold and told him to buy what
he needed.  So I don't actually have any control over that sub.  Sorry
and all that."

I was desperately trying to think of another solution to our dilemma,
when there was a muffled boom, and the cabin lurched.

"That's the sub," I whispered in horror.

"Louie, you have to get back to Port Royale immediately and pick
everyone up," Shon ordered.  "The whole place is going to be wiped out
any second."

For once in his life Louie obeyed orders.  He must have seen from our
faces how serious we were.  He flipped a panel on the side of the
jacuzzi and hit a button.  The cabin shimmered for a moment as the
Dreadnought transformed back into the Fantasy Train.  Louie, Scully,
Leo and Captain Kidd had all disappeared, but Louie must have
transferred himself to the control cabin, because we were moving.  He
hadn't bothered changing the cabin, and it now formed the last
carriage of the train.  Through the big window at the rear we could
see that we were speeding along just above the waves.  We could see
the area we had just vacated, and it my just have been my imagination
but I could have sworn that the surface of the sea was bubbling.

We could tell we were getting closer to Port Royale as we saw more and
more ships heading towards the harbour.  I even spotted Henry Morgan's
ship limping home.  I had just pointed the wrecked boat out to Shon,
when we realised that the disaster Scully had predicted was actually
happening.  A large swell of water was moving across the sea, and
while it did not look very impressive from our viewpoint, when it
reached Henry Morgan's ship it was higher than his broken mast.  It
smoothly overwhelmed his ship, leaving a trail of shredded sail and
timber to mark what had been a boat moments before.  The swell of
water was moving faster now, and becoming bigger and more distinct.

By this time we were over Port Royale harbour.  Louie had made no
effort to hide the train, and people were staring at it in
understandable amazement.  They had never seen a train, let alone one
that hovered in the air and was driven by a leprechaun.  Louie was
broadcasting a message over a loud speaker system, instructing
everyone to return to the Fantasy Train immediately.  Out of the side
window I could see our travelling companions hurrying out into the
streets in various states of undress and sobriety.

However, the view out of the rear window was occupying most of our
attention.  When the wave reached the shallower water approaching the
island, its mass was forced upward making it bigger and bigger.  It
loomed over the scene, higher than any mast or building.  It got
closer and closer, swallowing up ships in its path without any
hesitation.  If you ever stood at the foot of a big dam and looked up
at the massive wall that completely fills your vision, you'll have
some idea what that wave looked like.  Only this dam was made of water
and was moving towards us at a fast rate of knots.

Absolutely terrified, I clung to Shon, convinced that we were going to
die.  People in the streets had now noticed the wave and were futilely
attempting to run away.  Just when the wave was so close I could see
the seaweed and fish floating in it, Louie put the Fantasy Train into
motion.  He climbed for the sky to get enough velocity, then jumped
into a time stream.  The last view I got of Port Royale was of that
massive wave crashing over it.

My heart still thudding from how close to we had come to disaster, I
released my death grip on Shon and collapsed on the bed.  He flopped
down next to me, looking as stressed as I felt.

"I don't believe that just happened," I murmured dazedly.

"Um, Vee.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you kick that sword on
Leo's head?" Shon asked.  Damn, I'd been hoping he hadn't noticed.

"Well, I might have done," I admitted reluctantly.  He sat up and
looked at me.  "Did I never mention that I'm a bit accident prone."

"No," Shon said.  "I remember you saying you were on crutches earlier
this year, but you never said you were a walking disaster area."

"Maybe it just never came up," I said, trying to look innocent again.
"Actually, my nickname at school was Nam, because they reckoned I was
more destructive than a war."

"Now you tell me," Shon said, laughing at me.  "Honestly Vee, you just
wiped out a whole town."

"I didn't mean to.  Anyway, it was full of pirates and villains.  And
I've created a whole new industry for all the treasure hunters in the
future."

"So that's your good deed for the day, is it?" Shon asked.

"Hey, that's my good deed for this century," I retorted.  I suddenly
realised that we were both still naked, and we had been interrupted
just when things had started getting interesting.

"Shon," I drawled, trying to sound seductive as I moved next to him.
"I know a couple of other ways to make the earth move."

"Hmm, I reckon I know a few more," he challenged, sliding his leg
between mine.

"Want to bet?" I asked.