Lucid Dreamer Lucid Dreamer -- part 4 "Have you made any plans as to where you are going to stay?" Karen asked him. "Not yet," Robert replied. "There was no time. As soon as I found out about Mom, I just took off. I still haven't gone that far in my thinking." The setting sun cast long shadows as it shone down upon them. Roger and Karen walked slowly towards the hospital parking lot. Karen looked a little hesitant, Robert thought. Finally she spoke. "You could stay with Terry and me. We do have a spare bedroom, you know." It was classic, Robert thought. No one likes to be the first to try and make up in case the peace offering is flung back in one's face. Still, Karen had made the gesture and was now awaiting his response. "That would be great," he told her, and watched her relax. "That way we could talk some, too." Karen stopped. She looked up at him, wary but hopeful. "You mean it?" He smiled at her. "Yes. Tell you the truth, Karen, I don't even remember what started the fight." "It was about Linda at the start. I'm sorry, Robert. I should have kept my big mouth shut. It wasn't any of my business anyway. How is she?" "Ah, yes. Now I remember. How could I have forgotten?" he laughed quietly. "How is she? I don't know. I haven't seen her in well over a year." "Sorry." "Nah, don't be. It's over, I've moved on." Robert looked around. "Where did we park, anyway? When you don't drive you get out of the habit of trying to remember where you parked." "Over here." Karen led him over to the car. She unlocked the passenger door. "When did you stop driving?" "Almost two years ago, now." He got in, favouring his leg. After closing his door he reached across to unlock hers. Karen walked around and got in. "Did you hurt your leg?" "It's just a little sore," he answered as she started the car and began to back up. They maintained a comfortable silence all the way to her house. Robert looked around constantly, noticing the changes and that which had remained the same. It was a nice town, small city really, but he was glad that he had left. He much preferred the big city. Karen pulled into her driveway and turned off the engine but didn't make a move to open the door. Inside, lights blazed and Robert knew that Karen wanted to say something before they went in and met Terry. "It hurt, you know, when you didn't even come home for Christmas. Mom was upset and I felt bad 'cause I was to blame. No. Let me finish," she held up her hand as Robert was about to interject a comment. "We had our fights before, but never anything like that. I didn't mean to make you feel unwelcome here and I want you to know how very sorry . . ." "Stop." It was Robert's turn to hold up his hand. "The first Christmas I missed because I was busy. It had nothing to do with you." "Busy?" Robert laughed, a little bit of the residual bitterness coming through. "Yeah, busy. I was busy learning to walk again." "What?" Surprise then shocked understanding appeared on Karen's face. "Drunk driver. About a month after Thanksgiving--middle of November, I guess. He blew a red light and creamed me. They patched me up the best they could, but my leg was pretty bad. Last Christmas I was depressed and just didn't want to see anyone. Christmas'll do that to you sometimes." "We never knew, Robert, I swear we never knew." "I know. I told Linda I'd already told you, and you weren't on her favourites list at the time, so she just left well enough alone." Robert shrugged. "Ancient history. Let's go in." Karen wasn't quite so ready to let it drop. "And if Mom hadn't had the heart-attack, when would you have gotten around to telling us?" "I don't know. I only told you now 'cause it'll be obvious enough for you to start asking questions. Today is a good day, it hardly shows. I don't have all that many really good days." He opened the door to forestall any further questions, then got out. "Robert," Karen fixed him with her gaze as she closed her door, "we're family. We're here for you. You don't have to go it alone with everything." "I'm doing okay," he lied, a lightness in his voice that he didn't feel. "Let's go in before Terry gets the wrong idea about who we're talking about." Yes, the fight had started with Linda as the main subject of discussion, but he had brought Terry into it as well and hurtful things had been said on both sides. After that anything had been fair game and it seemed as if every single old resentment had had its turn in the limelight. Not a wonder that they hadn't spoken in almost two years. The funny thing was, Robert thought, that none of it seemed to matter at all any more. He caught a glimpse of Terry through the window, looking rather ill at ease. No wonder about that either. Terry had been there for the start of the fight, lending moral support to Karen until Karen signaled that she'd handle him alone. They stepped in the front door, into the living room, and Terry appeared at the kitchen doorway. She looked nervous and uncertain. "Hello, Terry," Robert nodded formally. "I see you are still taking good care of my sister." "We take care of each other." She was wary, cautious, probably hoping they would be able to get through his visit with a minimum of unpleasantness. "I find that's the best way, myself," Robert agreed. "Karen's lucky to have you." He was glad he said that when he caught the look of gratitude which Karen sent his way. Terry started to relax a little as well. Karen went over to Terry to give her a kiss hello and Robert couldn't help but think that they looked good together. He didn't understand it--would probably never understand it--but it was their choice not his. He would respect it. Yes, he would respect it, just as he hoped Karen would respect his own choices. He had grown a lot in the last two years, he realized. The accident and its repercussions had given him plenty of time to think and plenty to think about. "I've made some supper," Terry told them. "You probably haven't had time to eat and must be hungry." "That was very thoughtful of you," Robert told her. "I'm famished." Terry, realizing--much to her wonder, no doubt--that there was unlikely to be any unpleasantness, became more animated. "So, how is your mother?" she asked Robert as she led them to the diner table. "She's a feisty old bird," he laughed. "Wanted to go home right away; didn't want to spend the night and, when we told her she'd have to, she asked us to smuggle her in some cigarettes." "Sounds like her, all right." After dinner Karen and Robert remained at the table and caught up on what was happening in each other's lives. Terry made herself inconspicuous, giving brother and sister some time to be together. Finally, though, she sat down and joined them. "You are going to be some tired, tomorrow, love," she finally told Karen. At that, all three looked at their watches. It *was* getting late. Karen showed Robert to his room, provided him with towels and such, then hugged him good night. Exhausted, he went straight to bed. Although very tired, sleep didn't come easily and he tossed and turned for what seemed like--and could have been--hours. Then, shortly after sleep finally did come, he was awakened by sounds from the other room. At first he couldn't place them, but soon they became quite familiar. He grinned. Poor Karen was going to have to make due with less sleep than usual. After a muted crescendo, silence filled the house. It wasn't long after that that he fell into a troubled sleep. The vibrations were upon him once again, but he didn't want to give in this time. There were things he had to find out first. He fought to wake himself up and the vibrations shook him like they had those first few times. He didn't give in. He had to escape it, had to move, had to do something, anything. Suddenly there was another focus, and the vibrations died. "Robert." The voice penetrated. Damn. She had him again. "Robert!" The voice was louder now, but it wasn't Trudi, he realized. His eyes snapped open and he saw Terry leaning over him, concern written on her face. "'S'okay," he groaned, "I'm awake." "It was just a bad dream," she told him, trying to ground him in reality. It wasn't, but how could he tell her that? He merely nodded his agreement. "Have to get up," he told her. If he didn't, there was a possibility that he'd drift back to sleep and right back into it. It had happened before. He flung the covers aside and swung his legs out and sat up. He missed the wince on her face as she saw the scars, but couldn't help but hear her sharp intake of breath. "Yeah, looks bad, but I'm used to it." He pulled on a t-shirt and then allowed her to steady him as he got to his feet and limped out of the room and down the hall to the kitchen. He plunked himself down at the table and rubbed his bleary eyes. "Thanks." Terry had placed a cup of coffee before him. "You're welcome." Robert looked up at her and caught an amused smile on her face. "What is it?" "Sorry, but you look like hell." Robert chuckled. "Feel like hell, too." He looked up at her. She was already dressed. He looked out the window to the bright daylight. He had slept in. He grinned. "I may look like hell, but you, you have that certain glow about you." "Shit." Terry blushed. "I thought we were being quiet. I'm sorry . . ." "If that was quiet, the house must really shake on your good days," Robert teased. "But I don't believe you did think. If you had thought, you would have sent someone in to keep me occupied so I wouldn't have noticed anything." Terry choked on her orange juice. "Or, you could have come in to see me first so I'd have been too tired to even have cared--but I guess Karen wouldn't have understood. Ah, well." Terry recovered and gave him a very thoughtful look. "Instead of that you kept poor Karen awake half the night, then sent her off to work, probably with a self-satisfied smirk plastered all across her face." "You *have* changed." Robert sobered. "We all change. Speaking of work, how is yours coming along?" "My stuff gets published quite regularly. The money isn't great but, between the two of us, we get by. Being free-lance, I spend a good deal of time at home, work my own hours. All in all we're happy." "That's the important thing." He drained the coffee. "I'm glad for you." Terry's eyes misted and she moved over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, much to his surprise. "Thanks, Robert." She composed herself. "Now, is there anything I can get for you? Some more coffee? Some breakfast? A brunette?" Robert froze. "Did I say something wrong?" "No. But there is something you can do for me. Can you take me to the library? I have to do some research. Maybe I can get it done before visiting hours." "No problem. I'm quite familiar with the Library. Maybe I could help." "Here it is," Terry informed him. They had a stack of newspapers spread out over the table. "Only it isn't Trudi, it's Gertrude Bauer. Born 1922 in Essen, Germany; died just over a month ago. Came here in 1938. Not survived by anyone. Never married. Left her estate to an orphan's fund. "Who is she, Robert? Did you know her?" "I met her a few weeks ago." He ignored Terry's astonished expression. "She's been haunting my dreams." "Tell me more." Terry was intrigued. "I'm not sure I want to." Terry waited patiently, not saying anything. Robert shrugged. "I got a picture from her estate at an auction. It is of her as a young woman--very pretty. Some time later I started having dreams about her." "That doesn't sound strange to me. You're lonely, maybe you just needed someone to dream about, and then this picture shows up." "I'd agree with you, except I never knew whose picture it was. Still, the woman in my dreams told me she was 'Trudi Bauer' and that she had been born in Germany." "Perhaps you heard it on the TV or read it in the paper," Terry suggested. "I don't read the papers." Robert sat back, his hands over his eyes as if trying to blot out the incursion of reality into his dream world. "I don't watch TV and I don't listen to the radio, much." "You're not telling me everything, are you?" "Hell, no." He began putting the papers back in order. "It's time for me to go to the hospital. As long as you are still here, could you give me a lift?" "Absolutely." "So, what aren't you telling me about Trudi?" Terry was eager to know. Robert looked over at her, liking the way her long, light brown hair blew in the breeze from the open window. He had wasted a lot of time and effort hating this woman and his sister. Too bad, but that was then and this was now--as the song went. He didn't know how far he could trust her, but there was no one else he could tell--felt comfortable about telling--and he did want to tell someone. At least she lived far enough away that, if he made a mistake, it probably wouldn't do any lasting damage. "Okay. I fell asleep on the bus and she came into my dream, telling me that my mother was all right, telling me almost exactly what Karen told me when I arrived." What could be crazier than that, he wondered. They passed a bakery and he could smell the aroma of fresh bread and wished that he'd eaten something before haring off to the Library. "I have two possibilities for you. I don't know if you'll like either one. First, maybe she's a ghost. What do you think of that?" "Well it's probably better than number two which is that I'm crazy." "No. Possibility number two is that somehow you and Karen connected. She knew you were coming and she was rehearsing what she was going to tell you. You heard it through the woman in your dream." Terry grinned and looked over at him as she pulled into the Hospital parking lot. "Of course, in either case, you could still be crazy." "Thanks a lot." Terry turned off the ignition. "So, these dreams of yours--they raunchy?" Robert blushed. He looked at her a long time before deciding to speak. "I've found that I can control certain aspects of certain dreams." He paused, wondering how to go on. "Like the ones with Trudi?" Her eyebrows were raised. "Yep." "And these dreams with Trudi are raunchy." It was more a statement than a question. "Decidedly." That was all he was prepared to say on the subject. Terry must have recognized this, for she asked no more questions. She merely looked thoughtful. Robert exited the car and was surprised when Terry did likewise. "You don't have to wait for me. I'll find my own way back." "Robert?" He stopped and turned to face her. There was something in her voice which told him that this was important. "You shared something with me that you must have found difficult to share. So I'll share something with you. "My family never accepted me after I 'came out'. It hurt, it still hurts. That little old woman, up there in the hospital, and Karen are all the family I have." Robert noticed that there were tears in her eyes. "So I'm not 'waiting for you', I'm here, just like you are, going up to see how 'Mom' is. Okay?" Robert nodded, but made no move to head for the hospital. There was more to it than that. Tears were now flowing freely down Terry's cheeks. "But that's not why I'm crying. I'm crying because today is a special day. Today you showed me that you accepted me, too. Today I found out that I have a brother." She stifled a little sob and went digging in her purse for a tissue. Robert let out his breath in a long sigh. "Come on and dry your face, then let's go see how 'Mom' is. 'Mom' was chaffing at being restricted to the hospital. The sun had long since set when the bus passed the city limits sign. Robert had had a lot to think about during the trip but didn't know if he was any further ahead for all that thought. The visit with his mother had gone very well. The old lady was surprised to see Terry with him and overjoyed to see how well they were getting on together. She only commented on it once--while Terry was out of the room--telling Robert what a fine young woman Terry was and that she was proud of him for putting aside their differences and recognizing it. The doctor told Robert that his mother would be going home the next day and that everything looked fine. She should just take it a little easier for a while. That being the case, Robert decided that it would be best for him to get back to work. He couldn't afford to miss too many days, and he'd be back to visit soon--and definitely at Christmas. Karen had joined them when she got off work and she and Terry took Robert out for dinner before depositing him on the bus for his return journey. "Remember, you are welcome at our place anytime," Karen had told him, then gave him a long hug. Terry had concurred and the hug had been repeated with her. It was good to have family, even if they were a goodly distance away. Perhaps, he chuckled to himself, that was even better. That way there wasn't enough time together to grate on each other's nerves. Terry. He shook his head. He'd never thought that he would actually like her. Accept her as Karen's partner, yes; like her, no. But like her he did. And she had given him an idea. Next time he was in a dream with Trudi, why not just ask her point blank about what was going on? It was a good idea. The bus rolled to a stop at the traffic light just before the corner to the depot entrance. Another bus, which had just left the depot pulled up along side it. Robert looked across to the other bus straight into the eyes of a woman looking back. They both must have felt it, for their gazes locked and remained locked. Robert felt his stomach leap. He'd never before believed in love at first sight, but now he believed, though he wouldn't recognize it as such for a while. Before either of them could recover from the shock, the light changed and his bus turned while hers continued straight on, out of town. Robert cursed the Fates. Why couldn't they have both been coming in? The chances of him ever seeing her again were next to nil. He considered that a moment. Of course, he thought wryly, he might just see her in a dream. He knew whose face he'd be concentrating on for a while--and it wasn't Trudi's. Lucid Dreamer -- part 5 It had been three nights of concentrating on his memory of the woman in the bus before the vibrations came again. They were much weaker than before and Robert had to really concentrate on them; had to very consciously slip into them and direct them up and down his body before he was able to achieve the lucid dreaming state. He opened his eyes and got to his feet, leaving the sofa where he'd gone to sleep. He looked around the room. It was empty and it felt empty, too. Where was the woman from the bus? Perhaps she was awaiting him in his bedroom, he thought, though he didn't believe this. It just didn't feel right. His bedroom was as empty as the rest of the apartment. He was very disappointed. As he turned to leave he caught sight of Trudi's photograph. Why hadn't the other woman been here as Trudi had been when he had concentrated on her? Although he was a little frightened of learning more about Trudi--and a little scared of her now--he couldn't help thinking with a certain fondness about the times they had shared. A little melancholy came over him at the thought of not seeing her again. She had been such a great partner in . . . "Hi, Robert. I've missed you. And you've been avoiding me. Have you just called me to tell me it's all over?" There was bitterness in Trudi's voice. Robert spun around to see her come walking through the door. She was a striking woman, he noted once again, but this time there wasn't the beauty that he was used to seeing. Her mouth turned down and he kicked himself for not remembering her apparent ability to read his thoughts. He tried to think of nothing, while still wondering why Trudi had shown up in this dream and the woman from the bus hadn't. "You're learning," she granted. "So, what's the story, Robert?" "I wasn't really expecting you in my dream this time," he finally replied. She gave forth a half amused, half bitter smile. "So, then, who were you expecting?" It was difficult saying anything. It was as bad as breaking up with a girlfriend. He thought for what seemed a long time, trying to come up with the right words. At last he decided to tell the simple truth. It was who he was, even if he wasn't so sure she deserved it. *She* had definitely been holding out on *him*. "I was concentrating on someone I saw, trying to have her enter my dream. I saw her for a moment and something clicked between us. I've never felt quite like that before in my life." Trudi gave a long sigh. It was the sigh of someone accepting the inevitable. "All right. I suppose it had to happen. So, would you like some help getting her into your dream?" Robert was puzzled. "You can do that?" "Why don't we try to find out. Is that what you want, or not?" "Yes." "Okay, then open up to me, don't hide your thoughts. Just relax . . . that's right. Now close your eyes; remember this woman of yours and concentrate on her face so I can see it, too. Good, good. Now, recall your feelings when you saw her. Very good." Trudi paused for a long while and Robert wondered what was going on. Upon opening his eyes he saw *her*. She was lying in bed, fast asleep. It wasn't his bed--it wasn't even anywhere he had ever been before. But it was her and he felt the joy well up in him. He concentrated on her, willing her to get up and converse with him. She lay there and slept. That shouldn't have happened. It was his dream and he was in control, ergo she should have done as he willed. Unless . . . . Robert felt a sudden chill as he turned to face Trudi who had, it appeared, accompanied him. She looked intently at him, reading him, it seemed. "This isn't a lucid dream, is it?" he asked, not really wanting the answer he knew he was going to get. "As you know the term, no it isn't." Trudi's eyes held his in a grip he couldn't break. His voice, when it finally came, was hushed. "Who are you?" "Trudi Bauer." "Trudi Bauer--Gertrude Bauer--is dead." "Yes." There was a long silence. "Why are you hiding your thoughts from me, now, Robert?" Trudi seemed merely curious, not menacing at all. "I'm a little scared of you," he answered truthfully. Trudi laughed as if his statement was ridiculous and delightful all in one. "Am I not the one to whom you've made love in many wonderful ways? Have I ever done anything to make you fear me? Haven't I acceded to your every whim?" Robert felt a little ridiculous. All that was true. But, before, he had thought he had known what was happening. He hadn't--and that frightened him. "Tell you what, liebchen, we'll go back to your place and I'll try to explain things to you. First, however, you should make the most of this opportunity. Look at your new lady love. Caress her hair. Say some nice things to her. Robert felt very self-conscious, what with Trudi still there, yet very eager to do just what she suggested. He moved over to the bed and looked down upon his new love. "Hi, Darling. I wish you could hear me," he whispered to her as he stroked her hair. "I haven't been able to stop thinking of you since we saw each other." He allowed his fingers to trace her eyebrows, slip down her cheekbone and down to trace the outline of her jaw. "I desire, with all my heart, to see you again. Remember that. I'm looking for you, Darling." He kissed his fingertips then touched them to her lips. "I'm looking for you." Trudi's hand on his shoulder made him aware of her presence once more. "Take my hand and close your eyes." He opened his eyes and they were back in his bedroom. He released Trudi's hand. A flicker of sadness crossed her face, then was gone. It was that flicker of sadness which did it. It was the same sadness which he saw in her photograph, the sadness which had drawn him to her in the beginning. He took a leap of faith. He didn't know who or what she was or what she wanted, but this being was not a threat to him. Robert stepped forward and put his arms around her, pulling her close. She tensed for a moment, then relaxed into him the way she had done so often. They stood like that for a long time, feeling each other's warmth. "Are you a ghost, Trudi?" He wasn't sure if he even believed in ghosts. Trudi giggled. "I don't think so, though it's possible I could be considered one. Come with me into the living room and then we'll see what you think." They walked into the living room. It was the same living room he'd lived in for the past four years. Not much had changed. "Look at your sofa," Trudi directed. Robert obeyed her. He started. There was someone lying on his sofa! He looked closer and then did a double take. It was he! He was lying on his sofa. "So, Robert. Tell me, are *you* a ghost?" There was a tinkle of laughter in her voice. Her laughter reassured him. He had been prepared to be very frightened. The laughter took away the fear. "What's going on?" he finally managed to croak out. "I believe the term is Out Of Body Experience." "And this is what I've been doing all along? I've never been lucid in my dreams?" Many answers were breaking on Roberts shore. "With me, of a surety. Other than that, I don't know, you may have had lucid dreams." "But," Robert protested, "you've done everything I wanted, without my asking." "You were not hiding your thoughts, liebchen. I did as you wished me to do because I wanted to please you." "You were reading my mind," he accused her, horribly embarrassed that he'd allowed her into his deepest fantasies. "I wouldn't call it that." "Then what would you call it?" He was angry now. "You were broadcasting. Accusing me of mind-reading is the same as shouting at your dinner partner then accusing the other diners of eavesdropping." Robert was taken aback. "You used me, tricked me." "You used me," she countered. "Used my body . . . such as it is," she giggled once again. "That's something else. How is this possible . . ." "Your thoughts are very concrete, liebchen. It was not this way for me . . ." "What?" Robert interrupted. "What do you mean?" "Please, Robert, we've done enough talking for now. I would like you to hold me, to make love to me again." Robert looked at her, hiding his thoughts behind his newly acquired shield. He didn't know if he could. Trudi looked at him long and consideringly. He merely stood there and looked back. "What is the matter, Robert?" "I don't know what to do, what to say to you." She smiled, encouragingly. "It is just the same as it was before." "No. It isn't. You are not the same person." Trudi laughed. "Of course I am." Robert was forced to see the ridiculousness of his statement and grinned. "I guess you are, but my perception of you is entirely different. For me you are a different person. It would be like the first time . . ." "I see." She considered that for a moment then a wide smile came across her face. It was not a smile he had seen before. This smile betokened something more mischievous, more confident, more . . . more . . . he couldn't put his finger on the difference. "Good." With a very saucy smile she beckoned him to her. As he approached she led him into the bedroom. Where before her her hips had teased him with their slight sway, now they drew him forth with a motion that was fuller, bolder. It almost entranced him. Trudi stopped and turned to face him. She licked her lips in, what seemed to him, a predatory fashion. He stopped short. "Come closer, Robert," she ordered and smiled victoriously as he complied. "Now, stroke my hair--the way you know I like it done. Run your fingers through it, and over my neck." Unable to resist her command, Robert did as he was ordered. It all felt different to him. Even her reactions to the same stroking seemed different. Still, there was no doubt that she enjoyed it. There was no doubt that he was pleasing her. The pleasure of pleasing her came from an different quarter, however. Robert paused a moment to analyze it. He laughed out loud. He had it. He wasn't in control, now, she was. It was turnabout. And if she thought she could get away with it . . . she was right! After all, he thought, turnabout was fair play. She had allowed him to use her, now he could repay the great favour which that had been. "You are keeping your thoughts from me again," Trudi commented. "Yes, ma'am, I am. Do you mind?" Trudi's face lit with the knowledge that he was playing the game. "Not at all." Her fingers went to his shirt and began unbuttoning it. That done, she stepped around him and pulled it off his shoulders, kissing his back as it became visible. Robert shivered. From this perspective, the kisses were different, too. They were more proprietary. She closed with him and hugged him. Her hands went down to his belt and undid it. That was quickly followed by the unsnapping of his jeans and the unzipping. She gave him a moment to appreciate what was to come next, then pulled his pants and underpants to the floor in one swift move. At her nudge he stepped out of them and she threw them into the corner of the room. As Trudi rose, her hands played across his shins, his thighs, the hardness of him and on past his stomach to his chest. She released him and turned him around to face her. Her eyes glowed. She looked down at his hardness and smiled her new smile. "Close your eyes." He complied. His eyes snapped open as she jumped him, driving him back onto the bed. She was without her top, now, wearing only her skirt. She heaved on him and he was suddenly in the centre of the bed; looking up, in surprise, into her amused eyes. Trudi straddled him and he became aware that she wore no under garments, which excited him further. She held his wrists and pinned them on the bed slightly above his head, which put her breasts right above his mouth. It was a temptation he couldn't resist--especially as he knew it had been done deliberately. Robert opened his lips, raised his head and began to treat first one nipple than the other with all the passion they deserved. "Oh, yes," Trudi gasped. "Do it, Robert, do it." Before he was finished, before he had time to do what he deeply desired to do, she pulled away and sat upright. She reached behind her and grabbed him, eliciting a gasp of mixed surprise and pleasure. She locked her gaze on his and very slowly, very deliberately rose up, positioned him, and even more slowly sank down, enveloping him. He was hers! He was hers and she knew it. She knew it and she reveled in the knowledge. Within her warm, moist depths, Robert remained motionless. Finally she began the movement, the dance, and he followed her lead. She acted and he reacted. Robert groaned as she picked up the pace yet again. He didn't know how much longer he could hold out. His hands, long since freed, roamed up and down her front, touching and tasting her breasts, supporting her as she moved to her own music. Through slitted eyes he saw the joy and the ecstasy move across her face, reflected by the tremors and movements of her body. The energy was rising in him once again and he could sense it mirrored in her. They were moving towards completion and nothing and no one could stop it now. Every sense was alive and heightened. Trudi was bathed in sweat and she looked truly beautiful as she moved up and down him. Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to see her climax on him, to watch her release all that energy and then to make those last few strokes within her before climaxing himself. There was a small hesitation in her movement, then she stepped the pace up yet again. Robert's eyes opened to see a look of intensity on Trudi's face, the like of which he had not before seen. He had broadcast his thoughts, he knew, and she was determined to thwart him, to make him come first. It was now a competition. A laugh escaped him as an irreverent thought floated past: A gentleman always rises to the occasion. He had done it! She was just moments away from eruption. He could feel it through every fibre of his being. But, gods, he was close, too. "Noooo!" his cry escaped his lips as his body jumped, the pent up energy flowing from him to her. As the second spasm hit, he jerked upright, wrapped his arms about her and dragged her, her arms raised in victory, down and into her own release. It seemed to go on and on, the mingling of energies. Robert's body shook as spasm after spasm rocked it, draining him completely. His last aware thought, before he drifted into oblivion, was of how beautiful her voice sounded as it intoned his name, as she said over and over, "Thank-you, Robert, my sweet, thank-you." Lucid Dreamer -- part 6 It was a weird feeling, Robert thought, having one girlfriend helping him to get another one. During his waking hours he often wondered why Trudi was helping him when she *had* to know that if he ever met his 'lady-love' (as Trudi called her), she would probably lose him. When with Trudi he refrained from asking, fearing that she might stop helping. Trudi lay on top of him, exhausted from the merry chase he had led her before she had caught and taken him and from the taking itself. They looked at each other and began to laugh quietly. It had been an unexpected bit of fun. "Mind if I ask you a question?" Robert was unsure of the wisdom of this, yet his curiosity wouldn't let it be. Trudi sobered and ran her fingers through his hair, brushing it back so she could better see his face. "It is an important question, isn't it?" Robert considered that. "Yes, I guess it is--to me." "Ask away." "Why are you helping me seek out my lady-love?" He had opened a bit more than he had wanted to and knew that she had caught it all. "I've already lost you, as you put it. No, don't look sad," she murmured and stroked his face tenderly. "From the moment you first saw her I paled in comparison. If I were to try to hinder your search, you would have nothing more to do with me--and rightly so. If I were to try to make you forget about her, I would be fighting a losing battle." She lay her head down on his chest. "So I do neither of these things. But I refrain not because I know I would lose." "Then why do you refrain?" Robert felt deep within that she was telling the truth, that she was hiding nothing. "I refrain for the same reason I help. I *want* you to find her. You have done so much for me that anything I can do for you is a joy." Robert began running his hands up and down Trudi's back, slowly massaging away any tensions which were left over from their play. He enjoyed the feel of her on him and wanted to give back some of that enjoyment. Then it clicked that this was precisely what she had just finished saying. How interesting. "I don't understand. What have I done for you? It is you who have done so much for me." Trudi laughed and Robert felt, as well as heard, her laughter. "You have never asked me for my story. Perhaps you feared to know it, feared it would further change the way you thought of me." She grinned at him, then continued, "Especially when you would be forced to face the fact that I died at age seventy-five." She laughed again, a cheerful laugh. "So, you are getting it on with a very old lady, you see." "You don't look or feel old to me," Robert told her, yet he recognized that this was one of the things he'd been suppressing, trying not to think of. "Good. Then you've learned one lesson. Age really does mean very little. The body ages, but that which makes us who we really are does not age. It only grows. Hmmm, something else is growing, I think. But it is not time for that. It is time for a story. I'll make it short. "Trudi Bauer, as a young woman, fell in love with a young man. She was sixteen when her parents, who did not approve of this growing relationship, sent her away to end it. They sent her far across the sea to live with her aging aunt. The young man was not happy about this and he had his revenge. You see, Trudi's parents were moderates in an time and place where it was dangerous to be moderate. The young man was a fanatic in a land of fanatics and he ensured that the parents paid for their transgression. "All it took was a word or two in the right place and one dark night men came and took Trudi's parents away. They lived for a time, but I suspect it was not pleasant being alive. Soon they no longer lived. Word eventually reached Trudi as to their fate and as to what had precipitated it. She was crushed by the betrayal and her trust of men took a terrible hit. If the man she loved could do something so vile, what were others capable of? Soon after there was war and it was not easy being an enemy national during a war. It was a position of no power and others tried to take advantage of that. They tried and failed for she grew stronger with adversity. "Shortly after the war the aunt died and left her estate to the young woman. That woman was determined never again to be in a position where there was no power. She looked about her and saw that, once married, there was very little power for a woman, so she never married. There were suitors, but mostly they were after her money and what remaining trust she had in her fellow man departed quickly. She lived alone and, in the end, she died alone. "However, during this lonely life the woman named Trudi Bauer began to experiment with altered states of being and eventually began to have what are now labeled 'Out of Body Experiences'. She had enough experience with them that she realized that when the body died all did not die with it. Thus, when the body finally did die, Trudi elected to remain around familiar environs for a time. "During that time she became aware of another whose thoughts focused on an aspect of what she once was. This intrigued her and she decided to investigate. The thinker was a young man and she decided to try and help him to get out of his body so she could ask him just what the attraction was. "Out of body there was not the great fear of men that there was in the body, so Trudi decided to see if she could experience, with this young man, some of what she had missed during her time corporeal. "Yet it seemed nothing had changed. This man, like all the rest, merely wanted her for what she could do for him. It was a sorrow to her, for she had heard of relationships where that was not the case, though she had never really believed it--no matter how desperately she had wanted to believe. In any event, Trudi decided to go along with this man's desires in order to experience that which she had never before experienced. For, unlike herself or the others whom she had met out of body, this man thought in extremely concrete terms. To be in his domain was almost exactly as it was to be in the body. Thus it was that she determined to allow this one to use her, as painful as that might be." Robert held himself very still and kept his thoughts well shielded. He wrapped his arms around the much smaller woman and held her close, feeling her breath enter and leave her body. He hadn't had an inkling. What she must have thought of him! "But a strange thing happened. Even though she had relinquished the power to him and made ready to obey his slightest whim, this man saw into her thoughts, thoughts which were shielded from him; and, instead of demanding that which he could demand, he turned about and acquiesced to *her* desires, came forward to fill *her* needs." Robert felt a lump forming in his throat. He said nothing for he knew there was more coming and he said nothing for he didn't know if he would be able to say anything. Then he felt the first tear fall from her eye and onto his chest. He fractionally tightened his hold on her. Trudi stopped using the third person to talk about herself and him. "You allowed me to gently go where I wished to go and at my own speed. You allowed this even though you thought I was merely a part of your dreaming--a mere figment of your imagination. Such a gift you gave! Now, when you desire to make this same journey yourself, how could I do anything but aid you in any way I can?" Trudi pulled herself together, putting her thoughts of their relationship on hold. She sat up on him and asked, So, my friend, shall we make another foray to your lady-love's side and see if you can get through this time?" Robert nodded, closed his eyes and concentrated on his lady-love. He opened his eyes and they were there, once more in her room. The room had become familiar. He glanced about. The door was closed, as usual. The curtains were also closed, also as usual. Yet, though they were closed, they let in some of the light from the moon and street lamps for they were not heavy. Thus, as usual, he would be able to see her outline in the bed . . . "Gods above!" He turned to look at Trudi whose face was a mirror to his astonishment. His lady-love was lying on top of the covers--naked. Trudi's astonishment faded into her knowing smile. "She's waiting for you," she leered at him. "Take advantage." "I can't . . . what do you mean she's waiting for me?" "You have a mind; use it." Robert drew in upon himself to figure out what Trudi was talking about. Slowly memories came back to him. His lady-love lay sleeping, the blankets drawn up to her chin. Trudi sat in the background watching. He approached his lady-love and he gently stroked her face and hair--as much as it could be called stroking. He allowed his energy patterns to mingle with those of the sleeping woman. Trudi had informed him that some of those who were sensitive could feel that sort of touch. His lady-love exhibited no signs of feeling anything. She continued to sleep, her sleep undisturbed, even as he told her of his joy at finding her even if only in an ethereal state. Again his kissed his fingers and touched them to her lips and again he told her that he was still looking for her, asked her to remember that he was looking for her. His lady-love lay sleeping, the blankets drawn up to her collar-bones, her neck reflecting the light, a lovely sight to him. He approached and gently touched her brow, willing her to know that he was still searching diligently for her. And he was, he thought. He took busses everywhere, looking, always looking. He wished that he could just walk outside of her house/apartment, whatever, and look around--walk up to a street sign, perhaps--but that wasn't how it worked. At least that wasn't how it worked with him. Trudi told him that it was her impression that 'Lady-love' lived within the city; so, within the city he searched. He had even put an ad in the classifieds--there had been no respondents. Lady-love's hair was fanned out upon the pillow like an aureole, framing her face. It was a face which spoke to him in voices unheard, in words never before said. He swallowed hard. Lady-love lay sleeping. Her t-shirt, being used as a night-gown, did little to hide the curves of her upper body. It was a sight which Robert appreciated, even given the dimness of the light. As he stroked the length of her bare arms it seemed to him that her nipples hardened a little. They seemed more prominent--perhaps it was merely that his eyes were becoming accustomed to the low light. Lady-love lay sleeping. Her lacy night-gown did little to hide her lovely nipples. He could see the outline of her pubic hair through it as well. As he sat by her side on the bed and touched her she gave forth with a little moan. Her nipples were definitely engorged, pressing up against the night-gown. He passed his hand over them and she moaned once more, startling him. A close look at her closed eyes told him that she was in REM sleep, probably dreaming. He wondered if he could have an effect on her dream. He bent over her and began whispering his love for her into her ear. "Good." Trudi's voice brought him back to the present. "You've noticed the pattern, too." She grinned again. "So, take advantage," she repeated. "I can't do *that*. It's just . . ." " . . . what she wants," Trudi interrupted and finished the sentence for him. Robert shrugged. He looked down. She *did* look so inviting, lying there with nothing on, her nipples hard again, centred in their areolae, pointing to the ceiling; her face smoothed with sleep; her legs slightly parted, promising much. "Ah, what the hell," Robert muttered and shrugged. His fingers did a little dance across Lady-love's face and down her neck. They touched upon her shoulders, surrounded her breasts and made forays up the mounds to the little peaks which awaited them on top, then scampered away once more. Lady-love groaned her frustration, it seemed to Robert, as he moved on to a slightly less erogenous zone. "Ah, dear Lady, my love, I'm still looking for you. Why are you so hard to find?" Robert froze as her eyes half opened and she looked out, vacantly. "Where?" Her voice was little more than a croak. Roberts mind locked up. He stared at her. Nothing had prepared him for this. A jolt shook him free of his thrall as Trudi jabbed him in the side. "Tell her something, for crying out loud!" "Saturday, in the Park. West Hill Park on Saturday. I'll be there, looking for you. West Hill Park, Saturday." It was too late. Lady-love had returned to her sleep, to her dream. Now it was Robert who groaned his frustration. He looked once more upon the beautiful woman below him then turned to Trudi. "Let's go." His bedroom seemed smaller than before as he lay with Trudi on the large bed. "Too late, too late." He made it sound like a curse. "Perhaps not, Robert, liebchen. It is difficult to know just what she heard. However, it is definite that she knows that you were there--at some level." Trudi sounded both happy and sad. Robert caught the trailing edge of her thoughts. He was beginning to get better at it. "Why will you be leaving?" There was sorrow in his tone. He didn't want her to leave. She was one of the best things which had ever happened to him and the loss . . . Trudi smiled at him, grateful for his loyalty, his openness in showing her the esteem in which he held her. "If you meet her . . . when you meet her," she corrected herself, "you will not want me any longer, at least not in the way we now are. I have come to know you and you would feel that you were being unfaithful." She smiled at the pain on his face. "This is true, is it not?" Robert sighed. "I guess so." It didn't seem fair. "What will you do then?" "Me? It is good of you to ask, but then it is nothing less than I would expect from you." She thought for a moment and Robert could only catch fleeting glimpses of those thoughts, not enough to make any sense from them. "I think I will stay around for a while before I leave. It has been much fun with you. Perhaps there will be another." Trudi's eyes gleamed with wicked delight. "Perhaps I will be able to get in someone's dreams the way you are getting in Lady-love's. It might be fun to try that." Robert woke feeling both depressed and elated. He wasn't sure how that was possible, but that was how he felt. Suddenly his jaw went slack. Today was Saturday. Lucid Dreamer -- part 7 His leg ached abominably. It was cold and he was tired. His limp had grown progressively worse as he had walked back and forth through West Hill Park looking to find that which he no longer believed he would ever find. It was a dream, only a dream, he told himself. Yes, it had been a dream and he was a fool for pursuing it. Robert laughed bitterly to himself. Yes, a fool, he repeated, but a fool no longer. Defeat weighed heavily upon him and added to his weariness. He needed to rest. He needed to rest and regain his strength before beginning the long walk home. In the gazebo there were benches and he made his way to it, cursing the pain in his leg. It had all been for nothing. He began to wonder if any of it had been real. Perhaps Trudi--yes, Trudi was real enough, though unreal--had created the scene for him. Why, he did not know, but then who knew what a being like Trudi would do. No. Robert crushed that line of thought. He had put his trust in her as she had in him and he would not withdraw it. She would not do such a thing to him. Gods but he was tired. He hobbled into the gazebo and slumped down onto a bench, pulling his collar up against the cold breeze. It was growing late in the year and winter was almost upon them. 'The dark winter of the soul', he thought, wondering where he had heard that line. Robert put elbows on knees and rested his head in his hands, palms covering eyes. A few minutes rest were all he needed. Then he could make his way home. He heard movement and realized that someone had been sitting in the gazebo before he had arrived. He had been just too tired to notice. He was too tired to even look up. "You look like I feel," a woman's voice penetrated through his weariness. "A long day." "A long day," Robert agreed, not wanting this conversation. All he wanted now were a few minutes of rest; a few minutes to gather himself together enough to face one more defeat and put it behind him. "I saw you looking about. Did someone stand you up?" The voice was persistent. "Something like that, I guess . . . no, not really. It was just a hope . . . a dream." Why couldn't she just go away. "Funny thing, dreams. Maybe if your instructions had been more explicit . . . it is a big park, you know." Roberts eyes opened and he stared into his palms. It couldn't be. Could it? "You'll have to tell me how you did that. Or maybe we were just on the same wavelength?" Robert sat up very slowly and turned his head to see the face of his dreams looking back at him, wary but interested. He slumped in relief. "I've been looking for you . . ." his voice faded as he stared in wonder, half believing it was an apparition in front of him. "So I've been led to believe." She fixed her eyes on him, held him with her gaze. "Tell me, were you really visiting me, or is that just something I dreamed." Robert swallowed hard. The impropriety of it suddenly hit him and he flushed. He wanted to lie, but to lie to his lady-love? No, he would tell the truth and face the consequences. "Yes, it was me. I'm sorry . . . if there had been any other way . . . . I won't do it again," he promised. "That's amazing. You must tell me all about it. But not here." Her face was suddenly alive with a smile and Robert felt his weariness dropping away from him like a discarded coat. "I'm cold and hungry. How about we get something to eat. I'm dying to find out how you did it." She shook her head in the wonder of it all. "You see, I've been looking, too. Ever since I got back." Robert's weariness vanished. A huge smile lit up his face quickly mirrored by her own. She stood and started towards him. He stood, but his leg gave out and he sat back down with a thump. "Would you like to rest some more?" her voice was heavy with concern. "No. I'll be okay." Robert regained his feet as she finally came close. "As you wish." She moved in close to him and put her arm around his waist. "However, you can lean on me a little. Ah, that's fine. Now, what kind of food do you like? No, wait. Even though I feel I know you, even though it seems we've spent a lot of time together, we've never been introduced. I'm Pat, short for Patricia." "Robert. And you are my Lady, my love. I've known it since I saw you through the window." They started off, arm in arm, towards the parks exit. "'My Lady, my love'," she murmured. "That has a very familiar sound to it . . . . Careful!" He had stumbled. "So, Robert, tell me, what happened to your leg." "Which story do you want?" Robert asked, feeling a little giddy, still unable to believe it had actually happened. "The most interesting one, of course," Pat laughed. "So," Pat dabbed at her lips with her napkin, "after you rescued the Arabian princess and returned the crown jewels, what happened?" "Well, I was returning home for a good night's sleep before being introduced to her father--apparently he was already making plans for my harem--when I was broadsided by a drunk driver who ran a red light. By the time I had recovered she had fallen in love with one of her countrymen--alas." Robert sat back and took a sip of wine. "Still, it wasn't the worst that could have happened." "No? Tell me." "Well, Pat, I hate the heat. Imagine having to live in the desert." "A terrible fate. Pretty slave girls fanning you with palm fronds, feeding you grapes. Terrible." "Exactly. Glad you understand." Robert sat in silence for a long time, simply looking at her, trying hard to believe that his luck had finally turned. He glanced around, noting the expectant look on the waitress's face. The restaurant had closed and she, no doubt, wished them gone so she, too, could go home. Robert sighed. It was not an evening he wanted to end so soon. "We'd better be off before they kick us out," he grinned at Pat. His grin slowly faded. "Can I see you tomorrow?" Pat looked at him intently, looked at him as if trying to peer into his very soul. A decision was made. Robert hoped that it was for him. "Yes," she said slowly, "you can see me tomorrow, if you wish. And, if you wish," she continued, "as soon as you wake up." She patted her large shoulder bag. "I came prepared. Nightdress, toothpaste, toothbrush . . . everything. If you were who I thought you were, there was no way I was going to let you escape." Had Robert not been looking directly at her he would have done a classic double take. His breath left him with a whoosh. There it was, right in front of him. No excuses left. But the choice was his. "I would be honoured if you would accompany me, my Lady." He held out his arm and she took it. "Nice place, Rob," Pat told him. She was laying down on the sofa, her head in his lap. "Ask you a question?" "Anything." "When you came in my dreams, there always seemed to be someone else there, back in the shadows, out of sight. Know anything 'bout that?" "That," Robert let out his breath in a long sigh, "would be Trudi." "Trudi?" Pat opened her eyes and looked up at him, not at all offended, merely curious. "Trudi," he confirmed. "It's a long story." "Tell me." Robert slipped into the vibrations easily. It was almost second nature now. "Hello, liebchen. Congratulations. You found each other." Trudi appeared happy, looked radiant. She was dressed in what he had come to think of as her traveling clothes. She was, Robert thought, the very picture of a stylish young woman of the late '40s. "Thanks to you." Robert got up and hugged her close. "I told her all about you, Trudi." "And?" "She told me to thank you and tell you that you are always welcome with us. Pat would like to meet you, to tell you herself that you don't have to go away. She seems afraid that you won't believe me." Robert laughed at the thought. They had always been honest with each other--barring the little matter of her not telling him that he wasn't having lucid dreams. Trudi's face softened with a contented smile. "It is good of her. And perhaps I will come back from time to time to see you both. I will certainly come to say good-bye before I decide to leave for good. But, until then, I think I should be doing a little more experimenting. What you did with Pat . . . that was interesting and maybe . . ." She grinned wickedly. "Anyway, it's something to think about. "Live well, my friend." "And you Trudi, and you." Robert woke and turned his head to face Pat, who had her arm around his chest, her head on his shoulder. "She isn't staying, is she," her voice was drugged with sleep. "No, my love, she isn't." "You should do something for her." Pat's voice faded as she slipped back into sleep and Robert lay there a long time thinking about that. "'Member when you had that thing for the woman at the bus stop?" Jim nudged him. "I remember and I wish you'd forget." Robert scowled at him. "Yeah, well, this one has that one beat all hollow. Good choice, buddy." He gave Robert a mock punch on the arm. The subject of their conversation rejoined them. "Has it come up yet?" Pat asked. "Not yet," Robert replied, "but soon." "Whaddya talkin' 'bout?" Jim wanted to know as Ellen linked her arm in his. He did not receive a reply as Pat and Robert returned their attention to the stage. "And here we have item 64, a picture and frame. The proceeds of this and the next 4 items will go to the Orphans' Fund. Do I hear ten dollars? Five?" Someone bid five and the auctioneer brought it up to ten. It was hard work, for it appeared that no one really wanted the item. Then a man's voice called out. "Fifteen!" There was a hint of anxiety in the voice. Robert turned to see the man. He was young, perhaps early to mid twenties. "Twenty." Robert bid, like before, not wanting Trudi's picture to go for too little. Pat looked at him questioningly, then understanding came to her face. There was a long pause and the auctioneer was about to knock down on Robert's bid. "Thirty-five!" There was a note of desperation in the bid. Robert smiled and turned to leave. Jim raised his eyebrows, but said nothing. He turned as well. After all, it was only an auction. There would be another one next week. "Thirty-five going once . . . twice . . . three times and Sold!" The foursome passed out the door and into the street. There was the hint of snow in the air. Robert looked up at the starry sky and smiled. As he smiled he felt the very distinct pressure of lips on his cheek. He stopped short. Pat looked up at his face, wonder on her own. She touched her own cheek even as he did his. "Did you feel . . ." Robert nodded, unable to speak. There was a lump in his throat. He turned to Pat and held her very tightly and together the two of them wished Trudi joy.